When I'm with You
by AKA DD
Summary: Alec has found the cure. But he also finds that he has fallen for Max. Will he tell her the truth, or give up everything and walk away? Will Max choose in time or just let him go? MA
1. Chapter 1: Tell Her

**DISCLAIMER:** Dark Angel isn't mine. I am only borrowing them, and not making any money off of this. Don't sue. I've got nothing.

**A/N:** For those of you who are reading Till the Fat Lady Sings and couldn't wait for some Max/Alec interactions…here you go. This is a stand-alone story. Please review. I'll be continuously updating both stories.

**CHAPTER 1: **

"When are you gonna tell Little Fella, Alec?" asked Joshua. He was so excited the almost seven-foot man-dog transgenic was practically jumping up and down. His blue eyes sparkled eagerly as they touched on a white box on a table in his apartment.

Alec just smiled tightly at Joshua, but didn't answer. In his enthusiasm, the normally perceptive transgenic missed all the signs of Alec's discomfort and unwillingness to talk.

"When are you gonna tell Max that the virus bitch is finally going down?" Joshua prodded again. If he had a tail, it would be wagging furiously by now. He could just imagine his Little Fella's face when she found out about the cure. She would be so happy. And that thought made Joshua happy. It would make Alec happy, too. He glanced over at the X5 who was staring out a window, and frowned. Alec didn't seem too happy.

Joshua padded softly over to his friend. He noticed that Alec's green-gold eyes were sad. He had once described Alec as "tricks and treats" on the outside, referring to the man's appearance. Alec had dark blond hair, hazel green eyes, and a sculpted face. He was also built with broad shoulders and long lean muscles. He was happy-go-lucky, laughed easily, and never seemed to take life seriously. Alec was someone who claimed that he was "always alright."

But Alec was "darkness" inside. Joshua had always sensed a deep confusion and pain inside the young man. There were still so many things the former soldier didn't understand about life, mostly those things dealt with emotions: love, fear, guilt, regret, pain, and even happiness.

"Uh, Alec…you alright?" Joshua ventured softly, uncertainly.

Alec glanced briefly at Joshua, the answer coming automatically to his lips, "I'm always alright." Then he smiled the charming "tricks and treats" Alec smile. Except this time, Joshua noticed his eyes didn't smile along. His eyes were lost and faraway.

Without hesitation, Joshua did what his instincts told him, and hugged his friend.

Shocked, Alec could only welcome the comforting hug. Normally, he would have pulled away after topping two seconds of physical touch, but not this time. He wasn't one for invading personal space, well except for the…one night stands that required such _invasion_. But as much as possible, a clap on the back, a brief handshake, or his fist connecting with someone else's face, were his usual choice of physical contact. What would you expect from someone bred to be an assassin and taught to always be wary of the proximity of the people around him?

Alec had forgotten (or had he ever really known it?) the comfort there was in leaning on someone you could trust enough to hug. Even if it was a seven-foot dog-man that smelled vaguely of wet fur and ham hocks. It was still a great comfort.

But of course, the big guy couldn't know that. So, he pulled away and smirked, "Well, that was…uh…nice. I love you, too, buddy." He said casually, throwing a light punch on Joshua's shoulder.

Joshua knew that Alec's moment of weakness was over. He watched as the handsome young transgenic sauntered over to a table that had a box on top of it. For a moment, Alec's shoulders tensed, then he forced himself to relax and pick up the box.

"I'm giving you the honor of telling her," said Alec, spinning around to hand Joshua the box.

And suddenly, like a flash of lightning, it dawned on Joshua. "Alec loves Max," he whispered in awe.

There was a look of such fear in Alec's face that Joshua almost felt pity for the young man. And then, with his quicksilver personality, Alec smirked charmingly, "Of course, I love her. She's family. Just like you. You, me, Max, and the whole transgenic world—one big happy, _loving_ family." His tone was dripping with sarcasm, but he couldn't help it. Joshua didn't deserve his sarcasm, and he wasn't even sure his friend understood sarcasm, but Joshua had hit too close to home. He had said out loud the words that Alec had not even had the courage to formulate in his head. "Just, tell her okay?" he said, before turning around to leave.

"No."

Alec turned back around in surprise. "Don't you want to see her happy?" he asked, his head tilted slightly to the left.

"Don't you?" Joshua's question held a challenge that Alec wasn't so sure he could take up. Of course, he wanted to see Max happy. _Of course._ But how could he? Damn! He swiped the white box away from Joshua's outstretched arm. His pride wouldn't let him admit that he was afraid he wasn't going to survive the pain of seeing Max and Logan finally together. "Of course, I do." he replied flippantly. Then before Joshua could say anything else, Alec stalked out of his apartment in TC. He really shouldn't have told Joshua that he had found the cure. He shouldn't have told _anyone._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_Love is a moment that lasts forever_." –Julie Wittey-

_Alec loves Max. Alec loves Max. Alec loves Max. _Joshua's words revolved over and over again in his head. He couldn't drown them out and it was driving him insane.

He was sitting in his own tiny apartment in TC now, staring at the white box on the table in front of him. _Just give it to her, _he told himself. _Then you can leave. Your debt will be repaid. You'll be free._

He knew that was the pragmatic way out. But somehow, everything inside of him had roiled and rebelled against the idea. He had started all of this on a whim. Everyone knew that Alec had a finger in all kinds of side schemes. He had decided that he ought to do something nice for Max, and what was nicer than helping her find the cure for the virus? He had never really expected anything to come out of it. In fact, he had almost forgotten he had ever commissioned anyone for it.

But ever since his contact had called him back two days ago with the news, Alec had felt physically sick at having the cure in his hands. He had run away from scrutinizing his feelings, had stashed away the box in his closet, and had pretended everything was all right.

But he found that he couldn't look Max in the eyes. He couldn't sleep at night. He couldn't keep this a secret. So, he had told Joshua, hoping his friend would be the one to tell Max. He hadn't anticipated being read like an open book.

Because it was true: _Alec loves Max._

He smiled ruefully, feeling like a flashing neon sign had been attached to his chest, proclaiming it to the world.

_Alec had loved Max for a very long time. It had happened in a moment, and lasted forever._

He could still remember it, quite vividly, in fact. They say love either creeps up on you over time, or hits you in a flash. Well, they lied. It was more a constricting of the heart, a freezing of all of his voluntary muscles, a moment of paralysis, and then an exhalation of his body—a feeling of being completely and utterly drained as the realization struck his heart.

He shook his head sadly. It was so typical of him. The moment he fell in love with Max would _have_ to be the moment he had tried, and almost succeeded, in killing her. He could still see her on the ground, spasms shaking her body, effects of the taser he had ruthlessly thrust into her midsection. He had been kneeling over her, knife in his hand, ready and more than willing to strike, when her eyes had locked with his. And that's when it all happened. The constricting, freezing, and the general act of dying inside. Because, to Alec, that was what falling in love with Max had felt like. Heartstopping. Breathtaking.

His whole world had shifted. His whole life had changed. Not that it would have mattered because he thought he was going to die soon, anyway.

And she had to go on and save his life—at the risk of her happiness. How could he not love her more? And how could he ever be worthy of loving someone like that?

Alec leaned his elbows onto his knees and dropped his head into his palms. He was going to have to tell her, even if it killed him. He wasn't sure if X5's could die of broken hearts, but he was about to find out.


	2. Chapter 2: Now or Never

"_Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."_

–Robert Heinlein-

"Max,"

Max turned around swiftly, surprised she hadn't heard Alec come up behind her. Sometimes, it really disconcerted her how he seemed to just appear out of nowhere. Alec knew that and took advantage of it, often making sure he was always down wind from her when he wanted to surprise her—to prevent her transgenic senses from picking up his scent and presence.

"What did you do now, Alec?" she asked, staring back at the horizon. The view from the Space Needle was spectacular as always. The sun was just setting, painting the skies a bright fiery orange.

"Nice view," he commented softly, talking more about the woman than the sunset. Max was stunning. She had dark brown that fell down her back like a silken waterfall, a figure of sleek muscles and gorgeous womanly curves, an expressive face with deep dark doe eyes, lush lips that had an inclination towards pouting, and a pert nose he wanted to flick a finger on (but wouldn't if he valued that finger). Putting a lid on his useless overly sappy thoughts, he stalked closer to where she was, careful not to slip. Six hundred feet, give or take, was a long way down.

She glanced at him sideways. "Didn't answer my question."

He shrugged. "I didn't do anything. Why am I always the bad guy, anyway?" _Yeah, why was he always the bad guy in Max's eyes?_

She snorted, such an unladylike, Max-like, thing to do. "Because you are." she replied flippantly. She didn't notice the slight flinch on his face. "And I've saved your screw-up ass more times than I even care to count." she pointed out.

Okay, maybe she was right on _some_ respects. But acknowledging his love for Max sure made things she said hurt a lot worse than they normally did. His best defense had been to pretend indifference—and he had lost that when Joshua so pointedly spelled out his feelings for him. But he could always act. "Aw, c'mon, Maxie, you know you live for the next time you have to dig a bullet out of my body—just so you can see me without my shirt on."

"In your dreams, Pretty Boy."

_Yeah, actually, they were._ But he kept that to himself. "Oh, I'm sure you know all about that." he bantered. She just rolled her eyes at him. "Like you would ever be in my dreams." she drawled right back.

"Sure, Maxie. Deny it all you want, but you know you want me."

It was always at this point that she got angry with him. She crossed her arms on her chest and frowned ferociously at him. "Whatever!" she denied hotly. "You can be so deluded sometimes, Alec."

He raised his arms in mock surrender. "Hey, a guy can wish, can't he?"

She just shook her head and continued to scowl at him. "What are you doing up here, anyway?"

It was now or never. Okay, maybe later. First things first. "Can we go somewhere you couldn't accidentally throw me off of?"

Her eyes narrowed in warning. "That bad?"

He swallowed. Damn. This was a hundred times harder than he had originally thought. "Can we get down first? I promise it's nothing bad."

"No." That was Max. Contrary to the point of absurdity. Oh, how he loved it.

"Aren't you even scared that _I_ might accidentally, or not, throw _you_ off this thing?" he asked, a smirk on his handsome face.

Max seemed thoughtful for a second, and there was a slight lift to her lips, a small smile that tugged at his heart (what was all this love sap talking?). "Actually, no." she replied.

"You're that sure of yourself?"

This time, she really smiled at him. It almost blinded him. Max barely ever smiled at him. She smiled at everyone _but _him. "I'm sure you wouldn't throw me off."

He raised both his eyebrows at her, slightly surprised. Was his Manticore training slipping already? Was he really that open of a book? "Right. Of course not. But you'd as soon kick me off this thing without a second thought."

She shrugged. "Yup."

"Ow, Maxie, that hurts." He laid a hand over his heart and pretended to keel over. "It really does. You wouldn't really do that now, would you?" he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Care to put that theory to the test?"

"Actually, I'd care to be on solid ground just about now."

"We could arrange that," she grinned, and he just knew she was thinking something devilishly funny (to herself). No doubt, tossing his ass the six hundred feet down to the bottom. But it didn't matter, he knew that was where his heart was headed.

"I'm serious, Max. We need to talk." He said in an uncharacteristically quiet tone.

She raised her eyebrows at that. Max was no fool. She nodded, and made her way back into what used to be a restaurant atop this structure before the Pulse hit.

When they were back down on the ground, he turned to face her squarely. _Now or never. Now or never. Now or never._ He would never really be able to live with himself if he kept this a secret he knew that. He couldn't stand to really see Max miserable. He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. Max's brown eyes were searching his. A concerned frown on her face. "Alec, what's the matter?"

He took a deep breath. "I found the cure." he mumbled.

There was a pause that made him wonder if she had heard him at all. He didn't think he could bear to repeat it. But then her fist landed on his face, sending him sprawling on the ground. Oh, she heard him all right. "Ow! What the HELL was that?" he whined. It had been so unexpected that he hadn't even had a second to react.

"How dare you make fun of me like that, Alec. That's just low." She seethed, her eyes flashing, her face flushed.

Alec stood up, and straightened himself out. "I wasn't kidding with you. I've had it for a couple of days."

A kick to his gut landed him on his ass again. "Now what was THAT for?"

"A couple of DAYS?" she screamed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Alec honestly couldn't answer that. What could he say? _Because it was breaking my heart?_ Not likely. Not ever. "I'm telling you now, aren't I?" he said grudgingly. Maybe Max was gonna kill him before he died of a broken heart.

He looked at Max warily, wondering if she was gonna strike again. But what he saw made his heart constrict. She suddenly looked like a little girl, uncertain, unsure, scared. "Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah. I found a doctor from Manticore through my…side jobs…and he guarantees it. Says he was the one who worked with Renfro on this type of viruses. With enough incentive and…persuasion, I managed to get him to do it."

She peered down at him, through slightly hooded eyes. "Why are you doing this for me?"

_Because I love you._ He shrugged, appearing nonchalant when he was anything but. "I figured I owed you. For being such a screw up all the time, and all," he paused, not sure whether to say anything else. "And I wanted you to be happy." he sighed. There. He'd said it. It was the closest thing to a revelation she would ever get out of him. He looked apprehensively at her.

He wasn't prepared for what happened next. No punches, no kicks, but tears. Tears were streaming down her face, and for the life of him Alec had no idea whatsoever just what he had done wrong. "Hey, Maxie? I hope those are tears of joy…aren't they?"

She seemed all choked up. "I…I don't know." And then she ran away.

Alec was left standing in the alley, confused, heartbroken, and…dazed, like he'd just taken a ride on a tornado. She hadn't even taken the package from him. _Women. I'll never figure them out._ Especially this one.


	3. Chapter 3: A Mistake

**DISCLAIMER: **Dark Angel belongs to Cameron/Eglee and Fox. Not mine. No moolah being made off of this.

**CHAPTER 3:**

"_Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."_ –David Borenstein-

"You are so dumb!" Max cried at herself, staring angrily at her own reflection. She cringed at what she saw. Her face was all splotchy and streaked with tears. Her nose was red, and her eyes were swollen. She had cried all the way home, not even the ride on her Ninja (her baby) had made her feel better.

But what was worse, was that she had not known why she was crying. She had just felt this sickening feeling that had made her want to throw up when Alec had told her about the cure. She had felt like the world was closing in on her, suffocating her. She couldn't place what that emotion was. Not until she had arrived at her apartment in TC.

FEAR. She had been scared. There were few times an X5 was ever really scared of anything. She was often scared for her life, but that was a different kind of fear. This was alien to her. And she couldn't really pinpoint the source of that fear.

"Stop it, Max. This is crazy. You should be happy." she lectured herself in the mirror.

So, why wasn't she? Why did she have this gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach?

She sighed and looked determinedly at the girl in the mirror. "You should be happy. You and Logan have been waiting for this moment for well over a year." She told her reflection. The girl in the mirror just smirked at her. Okay, so that pep talk didn't work. _Think about Logan._

Logan. She pictured his sandy hair, his brilliant blue eyes, his slender, sensitive face, the angular jaw always covered with a fuzzy overgrowth. She smiled tenderly. _Okay, so this tactic was working. Just keep thinking about Logan._ She thought about all those times Logan had made her feel special, all those times he had stopped her world from getting too out of control, all those times that he had put her life into perspective, all those times that he had taught her to care.

This virus bitch is going down. She grinned. But that was promptly wiped off her face when she realized she'd have to go over to Alec again to actually get the package and test the product. _Oh, damn. How could I be so stupid?_

She steeled herself emotionally before knocking on his door. He opened it after what seemed like the hundredth knock. "What the hell took you so long?" she demanded.

He was looking a bit haggard and slightly out of it, his eyes were unfocused and his hair was a mess. "Max?" he asked incredulously.

"No, it's the tooth fairy," she replied sarcastically.

He shook his head, as if to clear his it, his eyes focusing. "What do you want?" He ran a hand through his already mussed hair, making some ends stick up in a way that just made her itch to smooth it down. _Max, get a grip! _sheberated herself.

"You have something that belongs to me." she replied boldly. Technically, the cure belonged to Alec, but it was meant for her.

She saw him stiffen slightly, his jaw clenching. "Right. The cure." He pushed the door back all the way and gestured for her to come in. She walked into his place. She'd never been in his place before. They had always met at HQ, on the Space Needle, or at Crash, always on neutral ground.

"_The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." _–Carl Jung-

She felt a slight sense of territorial satisfaction at being able to walk around his apartment, her fingers trailing lightly over the sparse furniture. She fingered a towel that was draped over a chair, still slightly damp, maybe from a shower earlier. She could smell his scent on it: he smelled of the outdoors, pine and citrus, slightly musky, overwhelmingly male. She hadn't realized that she had pulled the towel and inhaled his scent, until he was practically on top of her, he was standing so close.

"Max, what are you doing?" he asked, his voice soft and husky, his eyes darkening.

She gasped, startled. That sudden intake of breath had her breathing him in. His maleness: his unique blend of cologne, woodsiness, cat, and…Alec. She could feel herself reacting to his nearness, her skin flushing, her eyes dilating. It was like she had never noticed him until now. _Oh God, I'm in trouble._

Alec's face was so close, his lips only inches from hers. "Max," he breathed, sending tingles up her spine. Then his lips touched hers in the barest of caresses. But that was all it took for them to instantaneously combust. He withdrew slightly, looking at her through hooded golden-green eyes.

This time, it was Max who leaned in. Pressing her lips fully against his soft ones, she moaned.

In the next instant, he was devouring her. His lips slanting over hers, his hands tugging at her hair, forcing her to an angle that gave him better access to her mouth. He plundered, his tongue mating with hers. And she was meeting him every step of the way, her arms snaking around his neck, drawing his head down to her. They both fought for mastery, one over the other, but neither one of them really gaining the upper hand, both of them commanding and surrendering to each other. He bit her lower lip, causing her to whimper in response. He growled, a low sound that rumbled in his chest, exciting to her sensitive ears. "Alec," she whispered, when he finally released her lips.

She should have come to her senses, but then she felt his soft, warm lips leaving butterfly soft kisses on the corner of her mouth, traveling ever so softly across her jaw, down the column of her throat…and she was lost again.

Alec was nipping her throat lightly, then her ear, then he was back to feasting on her lips. Max's legs were getting weaker, she leaned into him, inhaling his heady scent. Her soft body molded itself perfectly along the hard length of his. She indulged her earlier thoughts and ran her own fingers through his thick silky hair. She purred in satisfaction. She was burning, wanting, needing. _This is where I belong._ And suddenly, she realized just what she was doing. Her eyes snapped open.

"_One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." _ -James Earl Jones-

For a moment in time, Alec was lost. He was lost in the heady sensation of kissing Max. She was responding to him in a way that made him burn, teeter at the edge of losing control. His heart was pounding in his ears. His mind was racing, trying to control his reaction to her whimpers and moans. He growled. She tasted so good. _Mine. _He promised silently, his arms tightening reflexively, possessively around her. He could feel her lean into him. He wanted to push her down to the ground and take her. Make good on his promise.

But then she stiffened. Her eyes snapped open and he knew he had lost her. She tore herself away from him and he didn't stop her. Lord knew he wanted to stop her, but he didn't.

There was an expression of complete and utter horror on her face that left him feeling cold. She covered her lips with her hands, as if the act itself could erase his kisses. "Oh, no," she moaned.

She took a step back, away from him. He just stood there, not moving, forcing his face into the Manticore mask of blankness. He forced his arms to hang loosely at his sides, to appear indifferent. He had to, because the look on Max's face was tearing him apart inside. He could only hold on to his pride. He forced a smile, a semblance of the smart-aleck that he was supposed to be. "I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to find out it shouldn't have happened," he said wryly.

Max's eyes widened. Then she nodded stiffly. He watched her transform herself from a shell-shocked to cool and composed. _Bravo._ he thought humorlessly, _And Manticore scores again_.

"I made a mistake." She said, her lips, still swollen from his kisses, forming the words and enunciating them clearly. "It won't happen again." she promised, her tone holding a finality that stomped on the pieces of his already shattered heart. He continued to smile, to act, to contain the anger and rage that was trying to boil into the surface.

He wanted to rage at her. _How could you respond to me like that and call it a MISTAKE?_ But he held his peace. Instead, he shrugged coolly, "Fine by me."

"Good." she said, stiffly, equally coolly. It angered Alec to realize that just a few minutes before they were burning in each others arms. And now, they were as cold to each other as ice. He was so angry, he wanted to hurt her. To make her feel the pain that he was going through because of her rebuff. He spotted the package, still lying on the table. He sauntered over to it, as if he hadn't a care in the world. "Before you go, don't forget to take this with you this time." He said curtly.

Max swiped the package from his hand angrily. Then, just before she crossed the threshold, she turned and looked at him over her shoulder. "I'll kill you if you ever tell anyone about this." she whispered vehemently.

"Don't worry about that, sweetheart. It'll be like it never happened." He replied tersely, when all he wanted to say was, _Stay._

She left without another word, slamming his apartment door behind her. Alec sagged onto a chair. It was hard work keeping all of his emotions inside. He could still feel her in his arms, could still taste her on his lips. Hell, her scent still hung in the air. Not to mention that he was still painfully aroused. "Enough, Alec." he told himself. "It has to be enough. She was never yours." He rubbed a hand wearily over his face.

He had never wanted anyone so badly in his life. It had lasted less than five minutes, he knew. But he had never fought so hard to maintain his control and composure. Something about Max just pushed all the right buttons in him. _And all the damn wrong ones._ He thought wryly, sadly.

"I need a drink," he muttered to himself. "And some." He stood up, grabbed his leather jacket, and left his apartment, slamming the door behind him. He intended to drown his sorrows in more than one kind of indulgence tonight. Maybe then, he could erase the look of dismay on Max's face when she'd realized she'd been kissing him.


	4. Chapter 4: Love Hate

**Disclaimer:  Dark Angel doesn't belong to me. I'm making no money from this endeavor.**

**A/N: **Thanks to: **Morning Sunlight, pand, kiwilass, leena-mck, Dirty Laundry, Loisen**, **a7xvampire**, and **less than angel** for the reviews and the support. It really helps in keeping me motivated to continue the story.

**Chapter 4:**

"_You hate someone whom you really wish to love, but whom you cannot love." _–Sri Chinmoy-

Max had all but run away from Alec's TC apartment. She was so ashamed of herself. _What had happened back there? _Why had she kissed him? Why had she responded the way she did to him? _I don't even _like _him!_

Max arrived at her own place in TC. She sat staring at the box for what seemed ages. She was so confused. Was it really possible to want two different men at the same time?

She shut down her thoughts and forced herself to focus on the task at hand. She opened the box to find a vial, carefully cradled in some foamy material to prevent it from breaking. Inside was a clear, slightly yellowish liquid. Then her eye caught sight of something else at the bottom. It was a notebook, complete with all of the notes from the doctor. Max smiled at the foresight. If this vial had broken, she would always be able to recreate it.

She noticed a slip of paper inserted almost at the very end. She pulled it out and realized it was a note. Judging from the haphazard scrawl, it was from the doctor. Alec always did have a neat bold handwriting—a remnant from his Manticore education that he had never really let go of. She read the note, thinking it might be an addendum to whatever else was in the notebook.

_As requested, here are the items. The vial contains the finished product. I have also included my journal regarding this particular case. If anything should happen to the vial, my notes should be helpful. Your blood sample is also a critical component to the serum. It seems that the carrier's DNA sequencing is perfectly compatible with yours. It was the key that led to unlocking the markers for the virus and containing it. Good luck. I know that this may not be of any relevance to you, but I appreciate the fact that you were good on everything we bargained for: despite having your hand at my throat for a brief moment, you are one of the good ones, X5-494. Your friend should feel lucky to have your love._

Max's hands were shaking by the time she read the last sentence. And then she re-read it again. What did that mean, 'to have your love'? Surely, the doctor meant that Alec loved her like family: his sister…? Max shook her head. The direction of those thoughts held too many implications that she was not prepared to deal with. She didn't want to think about Alec as 'one of the good ones'. _No! He's a perpetual screw-up!_

Max read the doctor's notes with Transgenic speed. She had to admit, the cure itself wasn't such a complicated thing. But then, virus itself wasn't so complicated either. It had just been that all other doctors had never worked for Manticore before, so had no idea what they were dealing with. It was like science-fiction to them. But Alec had gotten the real deal—for her.

She would never be able to face Alec again…or at least not for a while. For him to do something this _nice_ for her was wreaking havoc with her system. She could still remember the kiss. God, she had been so hot. And she had only wanted to get closer to the flame.

But the shame, when she had finally realized what she was doing, had been unbearable. Alec had acted like it was nothing…just another girl in his long string of girls. She had gotten so angry to see his face so impassive and blank, while she had barely been holding on to her wits.

She could feel her anger boiling close to the surface again. She closed her eyes to regain her composure. She should really administer the serum now. She picked up the vial and the syringe that had come in the box and just stared. She realized that she couldn't do it. _I should get it tested first, anyway._ She thought. _It's not like I really trust Alec._

Having made up her mind, she decided that she would take the serum to Sam Carr, Logan's physician, to examine. Then she would head over to Crash for a much needed drink. She prayed O.C. was going to be there tonight, because she was in dire need of a friend.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Crash was a popular hang-out spot often full of loud young punks, most of them minimum-wage employees. They went there after work to drink beer, play pool, dance, and mostly go on about how things were at work, and bitch about the state that the world was in.

Max strode purposefully into her former hang-out. She used to come here almost every night to be with her friends. That was before she became one of the leaders of Terminal City. Now, she barely had time to herself, much less come to Crash for a drink and a good chat with her best friend, Original Cindy.

"Tell me my eyes ain't lyin' to me, 'cuz Original Cindy swears she sees her Boo standing right there in front of her." called a brash young lady with chocolate skin, lush lips and flashing dark eyes. Original Cindy was leaning casually on a railing, an affectionate smile on her face as she saw Max.

Max walked over to her best friend, her face breaking into a genuine smile full blast. It had been ages since she'd smiled like that, and it sure felt good. Coming to Crash had definitely been a good idea. "Hey," she said, bumping fists lightly with her best friend. They weren't both very openly affectionate, but there was no doubt in their minds and hearts to who they were loyal to. Max took her place next to O.C., leaning casually at the railing. Her friend passed her a glass of beer and she took it gratefully. Her eyes started scanning the crowd at Crash. It was an old habit from running away from Manticore that never died. It looked like she was looking for a hook-up, but she was actually just casing the place, keeping an eye out for any other Transgenics, for White and his Familiars, or any law enforcement types looking for trouble.

"So, what's the dealio, Boo? Sumthin' interestin' goin' down?"

Max's face tensed slightly. A lot was going down. She took a swig of her beer. "Actually, that's why I came over tonight. I needed to talk to you about something."

O.C. raised her eyebrows at her girl. It was rare for Max to be the one to start the heart-to-heart talking. Usually she had to browbeat it out of the girl. She smiled, "Original Cindy is all ears, Boo. Now spill me some juicy gossip goodness."

But before Max could say anything else, she spotted Alec at the bar. Her grip tightened on her beer glass. She watched as a blond sauntered over to Alec and ran a seductive hand across his shoulders, and then leaned next to him on the counter. Max could see that she was making sure her considerable assets were exposed to full advantage for Alec.

Max's glass shattered in her hand.

"Whoa, Boo! Been workin' out much?" O.C. exclaimed, as small pieces of glass and beer sprayed over her.

Max shook her head, "Oh, God, I'm so sorry, O.C. It's all Alec's fault!"

"Hot Boy?" she asked, slightly confused. "What did your boy do now?"

"He's not my boy." replied Max, automatically, distractedly. Finished wiping herself off, O.C. finally noticed that Max was still staring heatedly at Alec and a buxom blond who were happily chatting it up at the bar.

"Ugh!" cried Max, as she forced herself to turn her back on the disgustingly good-looking couple. "He's so annoying. And the way he sleeps around, it's just disgusting." she spat out. There was so much anger in her voice that even O.C. was taken aback.

"Boo? You okay?"

Max had dropped her head into her crossed arms over the railing. "No," she said in a small muffled voice.

O.C. took Max by the elbow and led her to a table. "We gonna sit down and figure this bitch out."

They sat at a secluded table in Crash, and O.C. made sure that Max had her back to Alec. Max was looking a trifle disturbed, and overall miserable. "I just don't get why he has to tomcat all over town," said Max. "Doesn't he have any pride or dignity? Oh, wait. This is Alec, of course not."

O.C. looked sternly at her best friend. "Now, you know you gotta come clean on that. Why you bein' so hard on our boy?"

Max rolled her eyes and pretended indifference. "Because he's an irresponsible screw-up, is all."

"Mm-hmm. Now, tell Original Cindy when the last time Hot Boy screwed up?"

"Just last week. We had a heist for medical supplies down in Sector 7. I was stupid enough to make Alec the point man on that mission. It was simple enough: grab some Tryptophan. But no, he decided that he would take loads of other things like bandages, antibiotics, anti-virals, medical supplies…a lot more than what was planned for the mission. They almost got caught. He got his arm grazed by a bullet."

O.C. pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Doesn't sound too bad to Original Cindy. Sounds to my ears like he done the smart thing."

Max was about to protest when O.C. looked pointedly at her and said, "Ain't no way you gonna tell me that y'all didn't need those supplies."

"Of course we did, but that's not the point. He's always taking matters into his own hands and doesn't even think about the consequences. He could've been killed!"

"So, Boo, you was just worried that something might happen to our fine Transgenic brother's ass."

Max frowned darkly at O.C.'s smirking face. "Yeah, God forbid he never has a one night stand again."

O.C. tilted her head, looking over Max's shoulder. "Looks like he might not be havin' some lady company tonight. He just sent Hooters away."

Max swung her head around, and sure enough Hooters was leaving Alec with a pretty pout on her face. Max couldn't help but smirk at the girl. "She wasn't his type anyway."

"What? Blond, buxom, and beautiful. What's not to like?" drawled O.C., her eyes roaming the other girl's body unabashedly.

"Whatever floats your boat."

O.C. took her eyes off the blond and looked at Max. She frowned slightly as she broached the subject that had been on her mind lately. "Boo, now you answer me straight on this one, why you so hard on our boy over there? Despite his flaws, he ain't no bad guy."

Max looked sadly at O.C., "Maybe that's just it. Cuz he's not the bad guy that I thought he was."

"Correct, Original Cindy if she's whacked, but ain't that a good thing?'

"It is…it's just…" Max stammered. "I don't know. I'm so _confused_." Max knew she sounded like a whiny child, but she couldn't help it. Especially when Original Cindy just raised her eyebrows, expecting her to continue. "He found me the cure, and I just…kissed him…and then I told him it never happened…I was such a bitch…and I feel awful…and I don't know what to do."

There was a moment of silence, where Original Cindy's face underwent a series of emotions. If Max weren't so down, she would have thought it was comical. "The cure? You kissed Hot Boy? You what?" O.C. sighed deeply. "Boo, no wonder you confused."

"What do I do now? I hate it when Alec is being so nice."

"Original Cindy thinks a 'Thank you' to Hot Boy might be a start. And you best do it before America's Next Top Model sinks her claws into him."

Max looked over her shoulder and ignored the tightening in her gut as another tall, slinky blond was throwing herself at Alec. "No way. I'm not goin' over there to talk to him."

"You owe him at least that. And if you ain't gonna do it willingly, Original Cindy got moves even you supersoldiers ain't never seen before. I'mma make you do it."

Max smiled. Original Cindy had sass, and that was why she liked her. "Okay. I'll go. How do I look?"

O.C. rolled her eyes at such a girly question from macho tough chick Max. "Like you da bomb," she replied. She took it as a good sign that Max was worried about her looks with Alec. She smiled secretly to herself. As much as she loved Logan, she knew those two transgenics were made for each other.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Oh, you must work out," said a high pitched breathy voice by his ear. He glanced at the owner and saw a stunning blond with china blue eyes. He raked his eyes over her body appreciatively. Nice. He smiled at her.

"I've seen you around here, before," she continued, this time running her hands up and down his arm, feeling him up.

"Really?" he mumbled, forcing himself to appear interested. _Why wasn't he?_

"And I've always thought that you looked _real_ good." She murmured softly into his ear. He stiffened slightly, but not in a good way. His body was somehow rejecting her, even though his mind was fervently wishing that he could just go home with her for the night.

Before he could force an equally suggestive reply out of his lips (when had this game become so boring?), she had gone rigid, then she had beat a hasty retreat. Alec didn't need to wonder why. His whole body was humming like a perfectly tuned instrument, which only meant that Max was near him. He turned to his other side, and sure enough, there was Max, still delivering a death glare at the other girl's retreating back.

He just raised his eyebrows expectantly at her.

"What do you see in her anyway?" she asked, somewhat aggressively.

"What do you care?"

"I don't." she replied flippantly. There she was again, sticking knives into his heart. He really didn't need this right now.

"What do you want?" he growled, his voice coming out rougher than he had intended. He noticed that she was looking slightly green, a little awkward.

"I just wanted to say, thank you. I never got around to it."

_Because you were so busy kissing me, and then kicking my heart to the curb._ he thought bitterly. He shrugged, "Don't thank me, I was just paying you back."

"Right," she said, shifting from foot to foot, awkwardly. "I mean, yeah. I just wanted you to know that this really means a lot to me. And to Logan. To the both of us. The cure, I mean."

Was she trying to murder him on the spot? His heart had constricted so much it was an effort to keep his breathing even. "I know," he replied, his voice sounding strangled even to his own ears.

"Alec, are you okay?" she asked, placing a small hand lightly on his arm. That small touch had the effect that none of the previous girls had even come close to accomplishing with all their seductive caresses. His heart was hammering so fast now, his blood rushing into places they shouldn't be.

He pulled his arm roughly away from her. Self-preservation. "I'm fine." he bit out, his voice curt, his eyes flashing angrily. "Now, was there any other reason that you're still here?"

Max was taken aback. She was tempted to slap him, but she didn't. He was really confusing her. But she had also made up her mind about something else, so she was going to say it, even if she choked on it. "I actually wanted to apologize…about earlier…I mean, for…" she trailed off.

_The kiss?_ he thought cynically. It was only a goddamn kiss. "It never happened, remember?" he reminded her, his voice cold and distant.

She nodded, "Yeah…just…" she sighed, "Glad we're on the same page on that. I mean, you know, it's just, I never meant for it to happen…and it's you..and…"

"Max, stop. Just stop, okay?" he said. He felt like his whole body had gone numb. She had no idea at all how many daggers she'd already buried to the hilt into his heart. "Anyway, why aren't you at Logan's? I'd have thought you would want to commemorate this occasion with some fine wine and pasta." He drawled sarcastically, hiding the traces of bitterness that he felt.

"I've sent it to Dr. Carr for tests, just to be sure. I didn't want to raise his hopes."

Alec glanced at her. "I've already had it tested. What, you don't trust me?"

She just looked at him pointedly.

He downed the last of his Scotch. "Right. Trust me. Stupid, of course you wouldn't trust Alec."

She frowned angrily at him. "I just came over to be nice and say thank you and _apologize_. What is your problem, Alec?" she asked heatedly.

He turned to her, not bothering to hide the blazing anger in his eyes. Anger he could deal with. "You are, Max. So just leave."

"What!"

"Leave me the hell alone."

She just stood there, frozen. He could see the confusion in her eyes. And strangely, he thought he saw pain, too. Great. He had hurt her. Could this day get any worse? "You know what, if you won't leave, then I will." he grabbed the new glass of Scotch the bartender had given him, dropped a few bills on the counter, and left without a backward glance. Self-preservation.


	5. Chapter 5: Who to Love

**Disclaimer:  I don't own Dark Angel. Darn.**

**Chapter 5:**

"_Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical." -_Trey Parker and Matt Stone-

Max stared up at Logan's place. She just stood there for a while, not knowing what to do next. She had gone to Dr. Carr in the morning, and sure enough, he confirmed what Alec had already told her: it was the cure.

She had been injected with the serum two hours ago, which she figured was enough time for the thing to work its magic on her system. Now she could be free to love Logan. So why was she still standing—had been standing for the last fifteen minutes—outside of his house?

Logan now lived in what used to be Joshua's crib. It also used to be Sandeman's home, the father of all Transgenics. It was an old manor-like house in Sector 3, on the outskirts of Seattle's financial district. It was sadly in disrepair, presumably since Sandeman had left so suddenly. He had left quite a bit of furniture, too, a full library of books in the study, a dining set, even an old piano in the basement that Alec liked to tinker with.

Max continued to stare at the old building. She convinced herself that it was because she had not really been here in a while. She saw Logan often via camera, or whenever he ventured into Terminal City to recruit some people for Eyes Only missions. And that was pretty much it.

After all, they had maintained a distant friendship, both literally and figuratively. Even though Max had told Logan the truth about her "thing" with Alec after the Jam Pony incident almost a year ago, she had been adamant about keeping their distance from each other. "Thing" with Alec or not, she had still been the carrier for the kill-Logan-Cale-virus. It had been lucky that things with Terminal City had kept her too busy to mope about their off-again relationship.

But now, here she was, still standing uncertainly in front of his home, virus-free.

She didn't know how to broach the subject. Should she just walk in there all sassy and grab his face and kiss him? That didn't sound like a half-bad plan. She sighed to herself, either way, she was gonna do what she always did: she was gonna wing it.

She strode into the house, unannounced, and was pleasantly surprised at what she saw. Gone was the ruble and ruin of the old house. The place actually looked like a home. It had new furniture, some plush carpets, new paint, new lights…heck, new everything! Gone was the faint scent of mold and decay, dog and wet fur, old food and dirty laundry that had characterized Josh's stay. The whole place smelled like…well, it pretty much just smelled clean. She smiled wryly. It smelled clean and fresh like Logan's former penthouse always did. That made her feel a lot better, more comfortable, sorta like old times.

She found him in the study, where he had successfully re-established Eyes Only operations.

"Hey, I like what you've done with the place." she commented without preamble, walking in boldly.

He looked up, startled, his blue eyes widening slightly, before he realized who had walked in. He smiled tenderly at her. "Hey you," he greeted. He was busy working on some Eyes Only project, his jaw was scruffy from a day's growth of beard, his hair messy from running his fingers through it in frustration.

"Hey yourself.." she smiled back, falling comfortably into their old repartee. _This wasn't so bad._ She walked over to him, slowly, almost taking measured steps. She didn't want to startle him or anything. She wanted him to realize what she was doing. Wait a minute, what _was_ she doing? She frowned slightly to herself at the thought. Was she going to seduce him? Well, why not? This was something she'd been wanting for a long time wasn't it?

Making up her mind, her body followed naturally. Her steps took a languid, slinky but almost predatory quality. Her lips pouted, ever so slightly. She dropped her lashes just a little bit lower. One of her hands ran down her flat stomach in a caress.

Logan was looking very confused. But very interested. "Max? What are you doing?" he asked nervously. He had leaned back all the way in his swivel chair, looking torn. He looked like part of him wanted to bolt, and the other part of him wanted to meet her half way. Max was feeling a little torn, too. Between feeling sorry for him and laughing at his predicament.

She was standing right in front of him, before she leaned in very close to his face. Logan was now frozen, afraid to move away, and afraid to move closer. She let her breath brush his ear, noticing how his hairs stood on end. "I just thought I'd let you in on a little secret," she whispered, before she brushed her lips against his ear.

He toppled backwards in his chair. His face was a mask of utter confusion: half terror and half aroused. She knew that he was just waiting for the virus to hit him.

Max laughed, and offered him her hand. Logan eyed her hand, then looked up at Max's laughing face. She could see the understanding dawn on his face. Good thing he's not stupid. Without another second's hesitation, he took her hand and she pulled him up.

"You're cured." He said matter-of-factly.

"I'm cured."

"Huh."

"'Huh' good or 'huh' bad?" she asked, an eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Just, 'huh, I can't believe you're cured'." He said, still looking like he didn't quite believe it.

She smiled at him. "Believe it."

He smiled at her, that gentle smile, taking a step forward until he was a hair's breadth away from here. He raised his palm to touch her cheek. His hand felt warm and comforting, and she leaned her face into it. "I'm touching you," he whispered, almost reverently.

She looked at Logan, at the scruffy, unconventional handsomeness of his face. This is _right_, she told herself, just before she leaned over and kissed him. Logan's mouth was warm, and that was nice. She could feel his surprise, at first, but then he began to kiss her back.

Max kept waiting for the fireworks, the heat and desire to hum through her system, but it never happened. She pulled back from Logan. He looked happy. She felt miserable. _Where the hell was her happily-ever-after magic? _

"I love you, Max." he said softly. "I never gave up on this moment."

_Oh no._ There was an instant of panic, before Max did the only thing that came to her mind that would make her lips too busy to say the requisite words back. She kissed him. This time she kissed him not to think, throwing herself into it. He responded quickly, kissing her passionately. Max felt little tendrils of fire skimming her nerves, and she felt warm all over. _Yes. That's it, just sink into Logan. You want this. _

But then her traitorous mind reminded her of a similar scene just the day before. Only, it wasn't Logan kissing her, but Alec. And she hadn't just been warm, she had been on _fire_, with want. _Desperate with want_.

She pulled away quickly. She looked at Logan and felt a pain in her chest. The only other time she had felt like this was when Lydecker had forced her to hold her breath for five minutes under water.

Logan was so good to her. He had always been there for her, had always supported her. He would take care of her forever. If she let him. If that was what she wanted. But was that really what she wanted?

_I used to love him. I **have** to love him. I can **make** myself love him._ she thought desperately, willing her heart to love this handsome, gentle, kind, and sensitive man. He was a good man. He deserves good things to happen to him.

"Max, is everything all right?" asked Logan. Max almost cringed. She had forgotten how intuitive Logan can be sometimes. She felt like a first class heel.

She plastered a fake, overly bright smile on her face. "Of course everything's all right! I'm cured!" she said, in a voice that she thought was a little too loud, a little too cheerful. "I just think we're going a little too fast, is all."

'You've got to be kidding, right?" Logan asked incredulously. Max almost smacked herself on the head. Technically, they had been waiting for this moment for almost three years. But the sad truth was, three years was a long time. And time can do so much; says so in the song.

Max felt cornered and suffocated. So she did the one thing she was actually pretty good at. "I think I'm gonna go…" She left, leaving Logan with a stricken expression on his face.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Joshua, what is _wrong _with me?" cried Max. She had tried to go to O.C. for advice, but realized that her friend was still working at Jam Pony. So, she had gone to her next closest friend, Joshua. Actually, if she were really honest with herself, the first person she had wanted to run to was Alec. _When had he become her friend? In fact, her best friend? _But then, he was the cause for all this misery, wasn't he?

"Max and Logan not gettin' busy?" asked the innocent transgenic. Max smiled at Joshua, often marveling at the strange mixture of innocence and wisdom he had. Like pointing out the fact of the non-action of Max and Logan's relationship point blank, when most other people would have danced around the issue. "Uh, no, actually we're not." she replied.

"But virus bitch way down," he pointed out. They were in Joshua's TC apartment, sitting at his dinner table. Max had actually thrown herself down, her head on her arms on top of the small table. "You got that right." She said, her voice muffled.

"So, Little Fella, virus bitch goin' down, Max and Logan getting' busy…that was the plan?"

Max sighed sadly. "Yeah, that was the plan."

"New plan?" he ventured, a hopeful note in his voice.

She tilted her head at him, looking through a curtain of long brown hair that had fallen over her face on the table. "What new plan?"

"Max and Alec getting' busy." Said the dog-man, completely serious.

"WHAT!" Max stood up so quickly, her chair toppled over. She was shaking her head vigorously. "No, no, no, Joshua. I love Logan. Not Alec."

This time it was Joshua who was shaking his head. He stood up, too, his almost seven-foot frame taking advantage of her smaller one. He looked down at her, and said very carefully to make sure his friend was listening. "Little Fella love both Logan and Alec. But Little Fella love them differently. Little Fella cannot choose who to love."

Max sucked in her breath, shocked. "I don't love Alec, Big Fella," she denied softly.

"But Logan and Max not gettin' busy." He stubbornly pointed out. Then he smiled slyly, "Alec loves Max."

That revelation made Max's knees go weak. She had to pick up the fallen chair and dropped heavily into it. "What?" she squeaked, still not believing what she heard.

"That's why Alec always around Max. Always make Max give him attention with getting into trouble. Alec always stand by Max. TC is not home without Max and Alec." explained Joshua.

Then he grabbed Max's hand, and peered into her brown eyes. His blue eyes were shining kindly at her. "And Little Fella, you love Alec. You cannot send him away like all the others. You always watching him, make sure he is always around."

Max realized that it was all true. She had never really had the heart to send Alec away. Not like Zack. Not like Jace whom she had sent to Mexico. Not even like she had let Brin and Tinga go. No, she would probably never be able to let Alec go. And if Alec left, well, she knew deep inside that she would have moved heaven and earth to find him. That's why she kept saving his sorry ass all the time. She smiled ironically. She couldn't save the world by herself, but the number of times she'd saved his ass should make up for it.

But did that mean she _loved_ him? She had never really considered it. _Not until last night._ Last night, something had happened that had thrown her whole world into a spin.

He had become her friend in a strange way. They had taken quite a round about road towards their friendship: started out as breeding partners, then turned into enemies (him almost killing her), then into partners in crime, and finally into partners in leading Terminal City. But there was still one thing…

"I don't trust him, Big Fella," she said softly.

"You trust him with Terminal City. You trust him with your life. But Little Fella does not trust him with her heart."

Max wanted to cry. Too many revelations in one day would do that to a person. "When did you become psychic, Josh?" she asked, making an attempt to lighten the mood. It was true that she couldn't trust Alec with heart—not the same way that she trusted Logan.

She sighed deeply. "You're right, Big Fella, I can't choose who I love...but I can choose who I can live with."

Then she went out of his apartment, and made her way across Terminal City to find Alec.


	6. Chapter 6: I Want You

**DISCLAIMER:  It sucks, I know, but Dark Angel isn't mine.**

**A/N: **Special thanks to: **darkangelgirl262**, **ani-maniac494**, **a7xvampire**, **RIP MuM I love you so much**, **less than angel**, **chance32**, **kiaaaaa**, **Night Aura**, **Pand**, **Transgenic**-**girl**, **angeleyes131**, and **Loisen** for your reviews in the last few chapters. They are much appreciated and really make me want to continue the story (despite midterms). And for those who are interested, I've finished **Till The Fat Lady Sings**.

**Chapter 6:**

"_We must act out passion before we can feel it." _

–Jean-Paul Sartre-

Max found Alec in the armory with four other X5 males and Mole. They were simultaneously cleaning weapons and doing inventory. They also seemed to be doing some male-bonding, complete with asinine jokes about certain female anatomy, and their latest "conquests". She saw his laughing face, the amusement in his eyes, the wry grin on his lips. He was the center of attention—as he always was—regaling the men with a story about "Lola".

"Who's Lola?" she asked, making all the men whip their heads around, guilty looks on their faces. Except for Alec, who just smirked.

He shrugged, "Just some girl," he replied coolly.

She locked her eyes with his green ones, trying to read him. But she found that despite his seemingly friendly countenance, his eyes were unreadable. Maybe he was still mad from yesterday. She almost lost her nerve and left, but she steeled herself. She had to know the truth about what Joshua had said. So, she made herself regard him skeptically, playfully, with a raise of her eyebrow. "Just some girl, huh?"

He shrugged again, this time shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "Yeah. What about it?"

Max had never noticed how well she really knew Alec. She knew that when he shoved his hands in his jeans like that, and pursed his lips in just that way, he was being defensive, or felt uncertain. She knew that he absent-mindedly chewed on the fingernail of his thumb when he was deep in thought. She also knew that he had the habit of looking up when he was exasperated—as if he were asking help from the heavens—a look that seemed almost exclusively hers. "Just wondering," she replied, lightly.

The other people in the room were now looking back-and-forth between Alec and Max and their strange little exchange. Finally Mole blew a puff of cigar smoke and grumbled, "Oh, get a room." Which caused the other transgenics to chuckle knowingly.

Alec half-expected Max to roll her eyes and say her ever-so-droll '_Whatever_' so he was completely surprised when her expression softened and she said, "That might be a good idea."

Max watched Alec's eyebrows rise a fraction of an inch in surprise. She loved how he could convey so much with so little. She loved how, with a twist of his lips, a raise of his eyebrows, the darting of his eyes, or the wrinkle of his nose, he could tell her so much. She loved…_loved_? Oh, this was getting out of hand. "We need to talk," she offered as explanation.

There was a pause, then with a tilt of his head and an expansive shrug, he acquiesced, "Okay," he said. Then he smirked—the way only Alec can—and he regarded her with teasing green eyes, "Your place or mine?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Yours," she said, picking up his teasing tone. It was funny how they could pick up on each other's vibe. He smirked again, "Right."

They walked over to his place in silence, almost side-by-side, Alec only a step behind Max. She realized that he was always by her side when they walked…but always a step behind, too. Like he had her back, no matter what. She smiled slightly at the thought.

"What? What's so funny?" he asked suspiciously, looking down at her from the corner of his eye. She glanced sideways at him, her smile widening. His brow furrowed, "Max, you know this strange new side of you is really scaring me."

She just smiled wider.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_It is the passions that do and undo everything."_

–Bernard Le Bovier Fontenelle

They were at his place now. Alec was really confused. She was acting strangely…_nice_…towards him. That wasn't something Max did often, if ever. It sent warning bells ringing in his head. He had a sinking feeling she was going to try to apologize again. He was sure he would snap if she did. Max really didn't have any concept of what _letting go_ was. She was like a grey hound that had caught a scent…wouldn't stop until it was found.

Just his luck that what she would likely find was his bleeding heart. He cringed inwardly at the thought of her laughing in his face if she ever found out about his feelings.

She was standing by his kitchen counter, that strange smile still on her face. He raised his palms upward in a gesture that said, _well, we're here, what now?_

She hooked both her elbows on the kitchen counter, leaning back casually. "I've been thinking," she started. He opened his mouth to say something smart-alecky, but she raised her eyebrows in warning. So he shut his mouth. Damn. How come she knew him so well?

"Anyway, I found out something…interesting, earlier this afternoon. I just needed to know, from you…" she trailed off, an uncertain expression on her face.

Alec had no idea what she was talking about. He sighed, glanced heavenward, and looked pointedly at her. "Whatever it is I did, I swear I didn't do it," he said flippantly. "Or at least, I didn't mean to do it."

She chuckled quietly, "Yeah, I bet."

"Are you talking about the generator from Section 4 that we used to power that showcase fight between Drake and Chewie? I mean, I know we accidentally broke it, but I made serious bank off the bets. Which," he paused, his palms raised in innocence, "Of course, I promptly handed over to Gem to buy supplies for the kitchens."

Max narrowed her eyes at him. "What? You had a 'showcase fight'? You had bets on this fight? You broke Section 4's generator?"

_Ooops. _ "No?" he offered, his face assuming a look of utter innocence.

She just put her hands on her hips and glared at him—giving him the Max look of disapproval. _Great, Alec, way to stick your foot down your throat. _His green eyes darted from side to side, thinking of a way to extricate himself from his verbosity. He sighed resignedly, this was Max. He wouldn't get away with it so easily. He frowned at her. "Look, I took care of everything. So, if it wasn't that…incident, then what are we talking about here, anyway?"

Max shook her head, suddenly looking slightly uneasy. "Nothing. Just forget it."

"Yeah. Right. 'Cuz I didn't really 'get it' in the first place." he quipped sarcastically.

"Look, I went over to Logan's this morning," she said, a slight frown marring her perfect brow.

At that point, Alec suddenly didn't want to listen. He shoved his hands into his pants pocket again, and shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. He couldn't look her in the eye. So he fixed his gaze on the handle of the cupboard just above her right ear. Why was she so insistent in sharing this edifying piece of information with him?

She seemed to be waiting for a reaction from him. What was he supposed to do? Tell her that he wasn't really interested in hearing how it felt to finally have Logan's lips on hers…his hands on her skin…their bodies touching…he bit his lip, the slight pain bringing him back to reality. He felt like he was having a heart attack.

_Get a grip, Alec, she's watching you!_ He forced himself to shrug, "So, what are you doing back here, then?" He kept his eyes on that cupboard handle.

She tilted her head so that he was forced to look her in the eye. "It's a question I've been asking myself, too," she admitted softly.

His breath caught in his throat. He was afraid to hope. "What do you mean?" he asked softly. His heart was hammering so fast, blood rushing in his ears, he was afraid he was going to miss what she was going to say.

"Joshua told me something that made me…think…about," she paused, struggling to find the words. "…things."

He raised one eyebrow at her. "That really narrows it down."

She gave him a withering stare. "I meant that, it sort of opened my eyes…to what I've always known…but never really knew."

Alec scratched his head in confusion. "That really explains a lot, Max." he drawled.

"Shut up, and listen!"

He raised his hands in mock surrender. She was driving him nuts with her vagueness. What was she trying to tell him?

"I've always thought of you as a brother," she announced.

Alec blinked. He felt like he'd just been slapped. Here he was having wet dreams about her, and she thought of him as a _brother_? There was only so much a guy's heart and pride could take.

He strode forward and pulled her roughly against him. He saw her eyes widen in surprise. "Alec!" she cried. But he smothered any objections she might have had with a hungry, wildly passionate kiss. He felt her surprise drain away, replaced by a responding passion. She was kissing him back, and it was almost Alec's undoing. He should stop. God, he _couldn't _stop. She tasted so good, felt so right. He groaned, splaying his hands against her lower back, pulling her closer to him. Instead of resisting as he expected, Max slid her hands up over his shoulders, tangling in his hair. She unwittingly molded her softness against his hardness.

He was losing control, his hands becoming almost rough in his caresses. He slammed her against the wall, never once breaking contact. She moaned. Alec couldn't believe this woman in his arms was responding to him with such ardor, it was like a drug. Fighting down the wild urge to lay her on the ground and take her then and there, he dragged his lips away from hers, but dared not let her go.

He leaned his head on the wall by her head, his body still pressed intimately against hers, holding her hostage against the wall. "Max, I am _not_ your brother." he whispered roughly into her ear.

He still couldn't look her in the eye, but he kept her where she was, unwilling—unable—to let her go just yet. Call him a coward, but he wasn't ready to see the look in her eyes again. The look that told him that he wasn't the one she wanted to be with.

Warm fingers touched his cheek delicately. He looked down at her, slightly wary. "You should have let me finish talking, Alec." she said, a small smile playing on her lips. "I was just about to tell you…that I don't think of you as a brother…at all."

Alec was actually speechless.

"I want you, Alec." she whispered into his ear. Then he felt her lips leaving butterfly soft kisses down his neck, her hands slipping under his shirt. His muscles leapt at her tentative caresses, a reaction to touch like only Max could elicit from his body. He gasped. He must be dreaming. "Are you sure?" he asked hoarsely.

Max's heart squeezed slightly at his very vulnerable question. Joshua was right. She _loved_ this man…this man whose heart was hammering as wildly as her own, this man who was the only one who could make her burn with desperate need to be closer to him. This man who was asking her if she was sure she wanted him… "Yes." she whispered honestly into his ear. But he still didn't move. She felt him wrestling with his control. Maybe she had been wrong all along. Maybe Joshua had been wrong…it was her turn to be vulnerable. "Alec? Don't you want me?"

"Oh, God, _yes_," he whispered achingly, before he captured her mouth in a searing kiss. "Max, Max, Max…" he whispered, against her lips, her jaw, her neck… "I want you so bad…I can't control myself,"

Max arched her body against his. "Then make me burn, Alec."

"_Passion is the fury of love in its finest hour…" _

–anonymous-

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N: Please skip the next chapter if you're not interested in, or ineligible for, M-rated material. Thanks all for the support! All reviews are passionately welcome!**


	7. Chapter 7: Heart and Soul

**Disclaimer:** Dark Angel is not mine. It belongs to Cameron/Eglee. Don't sue.

**A/N:** This material is rated **M**. Those not interested or ineligible, skip this. There's really no relevant plot content until next chapter. Please definitely read and review because this is only my second fic ever (after 301 Till the Fat Lady Sings), and definitely my first M-rated chapter. God help me, this was the hardest thing to write. LOL. Thanks to all for your patience.

**CHAPTER 7:**

"_I looked at him and felt nothing else…When a passion like this gets hold of you, it never lets you go, never till your last breath. It burns all in you, and still flames, when there is nothing more to burn..."_

–Ayn Rand, _The Husband I Bought-_

"Make me burn, Alec,"

Max's words tore at the remnants of Alec's control and reason. He growled, letting his passion take over. With one hand he pinned both her hands above her head, and devoured her mouth with his. His other hand came up and began to caress her breast.

Max moaned in pleasure, a sound that drove Alec on. He pressed his arousal against her, through their clothes, moving in a way that mimicked exactly what he was going to do to her.

"_Please,"_ she begged hoarsely against his mouth. With her hands trapped over her head, her body pinned against the wall by his, she was completely at his mercy, to be bent to his will. It aroused Max to a point where she began to whimper in need.

"Tell me what you want, Max, and it's yours," he said, his voice coming out low and husky. His blood was racing with desire and need, and yes, _love_. He wanted to give her everything. His mind was telling him that this was his chance to finally make her his—to leave his imprint in the most physical way possible—one she would never forget.

"Touch me," she moaned. Satisfaction raced through him, he loved that he could do this to her, make her moan with pleasure. He tore his mouth away from hers, but only long enough to yank her shirt ruthlessly over her head. He groaned at the sight of her smooth beautiful bronzed skin bared to him. "Beautiful," he murmured, before he resumed kissing her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, letting his lips and tongue savor the taste of her. He had always wondered what she would feel like underneath her shirt…now he knew: soft, smooth, silky, utterly perfect. Better than he had ever imagined.

His free hand moved to take her bra away, swiftly and expertly, he unclasped it, letting it slip through her imprisoned arms, affording him access to her breasts. He groaned, almost in agony. She was so perfect. He cupped her breasts, hot and heavy in his hand, and began to knead them gently. He lowered his head and ran his tongue along the underside of her breast, tasting her salty sweetness. He heard her pleasurable, "Oh…", and smiled in satisfaction. He blew lightly on a nipple, before rolling his tongue leisurely over it. "Touch you like this, Max?" he coaxed.

"Alec," she cried, her voice breathless. "I'm warning you…"

He drew back and kissed her lips, "Or what?" he asked.

She smiled languorously at him, her eyes hazy with passion. "Or I'll make you suffer as much as I am right now,"

"Mmm…" he said against her neck, nuzzling her. Inhaling the scent that was purely Max. The scent that he would recognize anywhere. The scent of his chosen _mate._

He continued to tug and knead her breast, rolling her nipples between his fingers. "Alec," she whispered, her voice husky with desire. "Let me,"

As his kisses traveled down her throat to the valley between her breasts, his other hand finally released her bruised wrists. He took the other breast into his mouth, suckling her, sending shots of pleasure through Max. She arched her back from the wall, offering herself more.

"You taste so good," he said softly, continuing to lavish his attentions on her breasts.

Max was desperate now, tortured, agonized by the pleasure he was giving her. She frantically pulled at him, pushing him away just long enough to slip off his jacket and tear his shirt off.

Her eyes darkened even more with desire. He was beautiful. She had seen him bare-chested before, but never with the knowledge that he was hers to touch and explore. She ran her hand possessively over his taut flesh, feeling his muscles tighten at her touch. He was broad-shouldered and lean-muscled, he looked very good. But he felt even better beneath her touch…smooth and hard.

They were standing an arm's length away, only her hand on his chest. She looked into his eyes and saw a passion in there that almost sent her to her knees. Tentatively, she slid her arms around his neck and kissed him, crushing her soft breasts against his hard chest.

_Oh, God, perfect._ she thought, _just perfect_. His heat against hers was enough to send them both bursting into flame. Alec was no longer luxuriously teasing her; he was tugging at her hair, his hands tangled in them, the small sensations of pain just driving her passion to higher heights. Then Alec slid his leg between hers, pushing his thigh against that sensitive juncture, bringing heated friction, and all coherent thoughts left Max. All that was left was feeling, pure exquisite feeling…and she wanted…"More," she begged.

Her plea made Alec throw all caution to the wind. The smell that was permeating from her skin was driving him mad—aroused female—but not just any female, but Max. _Mine._

With a growl that was all too primitive, he started tugging at her pants. Impatient, he ripped the button off her jeans, tearing the zipper. "Now," he growled.

They never made it to his bed, they fell somewhere along the way to it.

"Alec," she breathed his name, as he started to slide her jeans off her legs. She heard the rustling of clothes and saw his jeans fly across the room as he tossed them away. Then he was on her again, kissing, licking, nipping, and biting. Tasting her until it was almost too much to bear. She felt his hand travel down her flat stomach, then resting over her mound. His fingers pushed aside her underwear, his thumb expertly finding the secret nub that gave her so much pleasure. Her head fell back in bliss.

Alec felt like a man with a feast in front of him. She was warm, vibrant, wanton, and she was _his_. He trailed kisses down her body, until he reached his destination. He let his tongue dance wickedly over her throbbing nub; felt her buck under him in pleasure. His tongue continued its work even as he slipped a finger inside her wet warmth.

_Oh, God._ She was so tight…so warm…so ready. His body was screaming for release. But he didn't give in to it. _Not yet._ This was Max, and he was going to fight for every bit of pleasure he could give her.

He slipped another long finger into her, and began a rhythm that drove Max wild. Her breaths were coming out as little gasps, her hands tangled wildly in his hair. She cried out his name, as he drove his fingers into her until she almost climaxed.

Almost.

Because a selfish part of him wanted to be inside of her the first time it happened. He just had to have her. He had wanted it for so long, wanted her to scream his name, wanted to feel her shudder beneath him, wanted to— Hell, he just wanted her in that way. And if it meant that he was going to lose all control, then so be it.

Hands shaking, he tore away her underwear, and ruthlessly pushed his own boxers down.

"Alec?" she whispered. Her eyes had been closed in ecstasy, but now they were open. She looked down at him, her eyes widening. He couldn't help but smirk. He was after all genetically _enhanced._ Then her brown eyes locked with his. And his smirk left his face as he was engulfed with need.

"My God, Max, I think I _need_ you," he groaned. "I need you now."

He positioned himself over her, the tip of his shaft just barely touching her entrance. But then Max froze.

_Oh God, don't stop **now**_, he thought desperately. But of course, he stopped. "Max?" he asked, the effort of holding back causing him to shake with tension.

"I've never done this before," she admitted, her eyes looking deeply into his.

Alec frowned slightly, not understanding. She cupped his face in her hands. "I mean, that I've never done this before with anyone else…without being in heat."

Alec felt a deep primal sense of satisfaction at being her _first_. Heat never counted because it barely constituted a decision. _This_ moment had been her choice. He leaned down and captured her lips in a kiss. "I've never done this before either," he confessed, his voice rough with emotion. "I've never made love with anyone before."

He saw the passion flare in Max's eyes at his confession, and that was all the permission he needed. He fastened his mouth over hers with primal greed. And she responded in kind. He plunged into her.

_Mine._

He had wanted to go slowly to savor the pleasure of finally having her. But all thoughts were swept away by a more primitive—almost animalistic—urge. He drove into her forcefully, again and again, heard her gasp his name, felt her arch to accommodate him. He couldn't stop. He groaned hoarsely, whispering her name repeatedly with each stroke. He was losing control and it had never felt so good.

"Max…I can't wait…" he gasped. But he didn't have to wait. They were both already so aroused that she started to shudder with the force of her climax. She sobbed his name out loud. Her nails dug into his back, the slight pain only urging him towards his own peak. He cried her name, and bit her shoulder, as his body jerked in rhythmic spasms, pouring his seed into her.

Alec gathered her into his arms, bracing his weight slightly on his elbow, not wanting to crush her. He buried his head into the crook of her neck, licking the small wound he had given her—marked her with—in his passion. He was still stunned at what had just happened. He had always prided himself in staying in control, but apparently, he had no pride left when it came to Max.

He who had slept with countless women had just been humbled by this experience. Because it had _never_ been like this. All those other times had been his body. This had been his _heart_ and _soul_.

"_Nothing is less in our power than the heart, and far from commanding we are forced to obey it."_

-Jean Jacques Rousseau-


	8. Chapter 8: Trust

**DISCLAIMER: Dark Angel doesn't belong to me. Although Alec does, in my dreams.**

**A/N: To everyone who is about to be pissed off by this chapter, please don't. There are still a ton of things these two lovebirds need resolved before they can have a relationship…so I'm exploring that. Otherwise, this story would just be over after the sex, right? And we all know it never stops there. **

**CHAPTER 8**

"_The same passions in man and woman nonetheless differ in tempo; hence man and woman do not cease misunderstanding one another"._

Friedrich Nietzsche, _Beyond Good and Evil-_

Max's eyes snapped open as sunlight touched her face lightly, warming her. She took a deep and measured breath. She felt languid and completely sated. Her eyes slipped to the window, noticing that the sun had already risen in the sky, peeking through the cracks of the blinds. This was the latest that she had ever woken up in the morning. She stretched, languorously, reveling in the tiny aches in her body. She was deliciously weary, but never more alive. Her small movements caused the man beside her to stir slightly in his sleep. Max stilled until he resettled into his slumber.

_He should be exhausted,_ she thought with an amused smirk. Alec had kept her up all night. He had made love to her the whole night—wildly, passionately, gently, slowly—taking her to the heights of blinding pleasure over and over again. It wasn't until the sky was pink with the coming dawn that he finally fell into a deep sleep. She blushed slightly at the thought. She had to give Manticore some serious credit for developing their stamina. No one had ever kept up with her passionate nature before. And without heat, she hadn't thought she was capable of rousing that much passion. But with Alec, she had felt like she had been on the brink of breaking.

She turned her head to look at his sleeping form. He was lying sprawled on his stomach, his arm draped possessively over her waist, one leg tangled with hers.

He really was handsome. True, he was Manticore-made, which made his seeming physical perfection inconsequential to her. But today, she would admit it. She'd have to be blind not to appreciate the sheer masculine beauty of the planes and contours of his face and body. She saw the scratch marks forming welts on his back. She had marked him as hers, and it gave her a possessive sense of satisfaction. She knew that those marks would be gone by tonight, Transgenic healing and all, but she would take pleasure in knowing that he had been hers last night.

Max frowned slightly, as she caught herself thinking such maudlin thoughts. She blinked rapidly and almost groaned. Yep, reality was quickly settling in.

Suddenly, Alec's arm felt like a prison band, heavy and unyielding. She gingerly lifted his arm off of her, and slowly slid her leg from under his. Thanking his Manticore creators for not splicing shark DNA into his genetic code, she eased herself off of the bed.

She needed to leave before he woke up. She wasn't ready to deal with the morning after—she had too many questions herself that she had no answers for. She had a lot of sorting to do before she could possibly look him in the eye again.

_You're a coward, Max,_ she berated herself. She knew that she was running away. Again. She was disgusted with herself. In less than 24 hours she had ruined two relationships with the two men that meant the most to her. And she still didn't really have any clear answers.

She had not planned last night. She had been swept away, head over her heels, and all that gooey love stuff. So now, she was running away from the aftermath of…well, the best sex of her life. She really couldn't hang around until Alec woke up. She wouldn't know what to say. _Thank you, I had a really nice time?_ Yeah, that just didn't sound right.

She had just meant to clear the air between her and Alec. Call a truce, and then they could sort of start over. But now, it was a little too late for that. It was obvious to her that Alec cared about her. And God help her, she cared about him. But he hadn't really been…_conclusive_ enough about it. She had desperately wanted to believe that she was special, and not "just some girl."

She sighed, yanking her shirt on. She realized belatedly that her jeans were no longer serviceable. She made a quick decision and opened one of Alec's drawers as quietly as she could. She grabbed one of his sweatpants—a red pair. Just as she was putting them on, she noticed a pink—_baby pink_—piece of cloth folded neatly among his clothes. Curiosity, because she was part cat, got the better of her. She pulled the offending piece of cloth out and realized with a sinking, aching heart that it was exactly what she had thought it was. Another woman's shirt. And it was _baby pink_ for God's sakes! What kind of woman wore baby pink shirts?

She closed her eyes tightly, fighting back the jealousy that raged within her. Alec had told her last night that he _never_ brought anyone back to his place. That she had been the only one. Well, this little piece of evidence just demonstrated one thing that she had already known: she couldn't trust him. She felt cheated. Hurt—unbelievably hurt. But Max had never been one to dwell on her pain, she just got mad. He had _lied_ to her! That ass! That jerk!

"It's not what you think," his quiet voice broke through her raging thoughts.

She spun around quickly, masking her emotions with a fake smile. "You can't even begin to know what I'm thinking," she said cheerily through clenched teeth.

He stood up from the bed, and Max had to avert her eyes. She could feel a blush coming no matter how hard she stamped the feeling. The man sure had no problems with nudity. She frowned at him, and thankfully, he assessed the situation correctly and pulled a pair of boxers on.

"Max, let me explain," he said softly.

She smiled at him brightly, but her eyes were cold. "No, really, Alec. Don't. We're not even like that. You don't have to explain anything. Like I'm surprised you had another woman here." she said, her voice dripping with scorn.

She saw his jaw clench, his eyes narrow dangerously. "Exactly what are we, Max?"

Oh, he had to ask the question for which she had no answers. Keeping her face studiously blank, she shrugged.

He stalked angrily over to her, grabbing her arms in a bruising grip. "Was last night another _mistake_?" he seethed. "Because, sweetheart, you're real good at making them."

She pushed him away forcefully. "Was last night just a giant _lie_? 'Cuz you're real good at it," she snarled back angrily. "You almost had me going there." She threw the pink shirt at him.

He caught it just before it would have hit him in the face. "What the hell? You're not even letting me explain. This is Jade's shirt, and she—"

"_I don't need to know who it belongs to_!" she cut him off, her voice raised to almost a yell. She really was almost over the edge. Jade. Damn. She was another X5. A beautiful, vibrant, beautiful, laughing, beautiful, talented, beautiful, intelligent, and beautiful X5. Max felt sick to her stomach. _How could I have thought that Alec had wanted me? Only me._

She calmed herself and forced herself to look him in the eye. "Like I said, we're not even like that, so spare me your lies." She spun around quickly to leave, before tears spilled.

"There's nothing between me and Jade." he said simply to her retreating back.

"And I'm supposed to just believe that?" she asked, not bothering to turn around and look at him.

"Yes."

She looked at him over her shoulder, this time unable to hide the tears that glistened in her eyes. "I don't trust you," she whispered sadly. "I can't trust you."

Alec sighed wearily. "Then there's nothing else I can say, is there?"

She shook her head and left, closing the door firmly behind her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alec had little memory of what happened right after Max left. Time seemed to stand still. He just stood staring helplessly at the closed door, his hand still clutching Jade's shirt. It could have been a minute. It could have been twenty. All he knew was that he woke from his dazed spell when he felt a pain in his fist, and realized he had punched a hole through the wall. _Damn it all to HELL!_

He realized his breathing was shallow, labored. This was it. He was officially dying of heartbreak. He threw Jade's shirt ruthlessly into a corner, hearing the satisfying smack of it hitting a wall.

They say that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Liars. He had everything in his arms last night. And today, he had nothing. It was worse than never having had her at all. Because now, he knew exactly what it was that he didn't have. Ignorance was bliss—those goddamned people got it right.

He clenched his fists, his fingernails digging into his palms. But he barely felt the physical pain. He was hurting so much more inside. How was it possible to go to heaven and fall straight into hell in the span of a few hours—over a damned baby pink shirt?

She didn't trust him. She _couldn't_ trust him. He didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do next.

His knuckle was bleeding slightly from its contact with the wall, but Alec kept his fists clenched, held tightly against his sides. It was the only action that prevented him from tearing the whole room apart in anguish and rage.

He couldn't blame Max for not being able to trust him. Hell, hadn't he been the one who had "let" her infect Logan with the virus in the first place? (Which, he thought grimly, if he had stopped, might have been the best solution to this problem—he would never have had the chance to fall in love with Max.)

Hadn't he tried to kill her and Joshua to save his own ass?

Wasn't he the one who always screwed up, got shot-up, or got others in trouble because of his little schemes?

And of course, didn't he sleep with a different woman practically every night? The funny thing was, he slept with them to forget Max. Now, that he had Max, sleeping with them had been the reason he had lost her. The irony of it all wasn't lost on him. He wished he could go back and undo so much.

He laughed miserably. But that was the thing about time, you can't turn it back no matter how desperately you want to.

No, he couldn't blame her. He didn't deserve her. But, God, he wanted her. And no matter how many times she stomped on his heart, he still loved her. Maybe he had been designed to be a chump after all.


	9. Chapter 9: Masks

**DISCLAIMER:** Genius though that I am, Dark Angel still isn't mine.

**A/N: Well, here's why Jade's shirt was at Alec's. Has anyone thought it hard to write from Max's perspective? I'm supposed to be a girl and understand what's going on in her head, but damn, she's a tough cookie to write for.**

**CHAPTER 9:**

"_The best love affairs are those we never had."_

–Norman Lindsay-

Max slammed the door to her apartment shut and leaned on it, closing her eyes and finally letting the tears roll down her cheeks. She sank down to the ground and allowed herself the weakness of really crying. She cried—wracking, gut-wrenching sobs that shook her whole frame.

She didn't really know why she was crying. She just knew that there was this ache inside of her, filling her until it hurt so much it just needed to be released. She leaned her head against her door, tears still streaking her face. _Was this what heartache felt like?_

She wasn't sure if she was crying because of the relationship that she would never have with Logan, or for the one that she _almost_ had with Alec.

She had loved Logan for so long, had always been sure that what they had was the real deal.

She smiled bitterly through her tears. How could a Manticore alumnus _ever_ be sure if any emotion was the real deal?

What she knew for sure was that Logan had always made her feel accepted, like she wasn't just a flawed experiment. He had made her feel like she was meant to be a part of this world. He had made her feel _normal_. He had loved her even when she had been…well, a freak. How could she _not_ have loved Logan for all that?

Every time she looked at Logan she saw a man that had made her believe that there were better things in the world if she cared. If she just cared enough. And he had taught her to care. He had taught her to _feel._

But now, Logan was up on a pedestal, and all Max wanted was Alec in her arms.

New tears threatened to spill. She _had_ Alec in her arms last night. But reality had to set in sometime, right?

She now knew that she loved Alec with a desperation that left her breathless. Everything that Logan had ever taught her about feelings and caring was completely blown away—_boom!—_by this blind _emotion_ that she had no control over. It made every moment with Alec electrically charged.

Strange, but she had known that since she had met him two years ago, when he had walked into her cell in Manticore looking like Ben, but being completely Alec. She had suddenly come alive at that moment.

They had chemistry that was for sure. He irritated her. He riled her. He made her yell. He made her want to pull her hair out in frustration. He made her smile. He made her laugh. He made her want to punch the smug grin off of his face. He made her burn in passion. He made her cry out in ecstasy…he made her feel the entire spectrum of human emotion.

And he made her cry.

She felt open and vulnerable—stripped of all of her shields that she always put up to protect her heart.

Those shields had been erected stone by stone since she was a child at Manticore. But Alec had blown them all away with a kiss. When she had the cure, when she finally had the chance to be with Logan—she had only felt like she was losing Alec.

How many masks did she wear? So many, that she couldn't even tell which one was the real Max anymore. She had run to Logan, thinking that was the real Max. But that had only been one mask.

And now, she was putting on one more. Alec would never know how she felt. _Never._ Because this morning, with her shields all broken and her emotions all churned up, she had discovered the shattering truth that Alec could _hurt_ her like no one else could.

It was really that fear that had her raging at him this morning. She had actually felt an almost physical stab of pain in her heart when she thought about being 'just some girl' to him. With Alec, she never wanted to be normal. She wanted to be special. Was that too much to ask from a guy?

She stood wearily and went to her bathroom. She stared at the tear-streaked face, the resolute set to her mouth, the stubborn tilt of her chin. The mask was firmly in place. He would never have to know how much power he really had over her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_Jealousy is all the fun you think they had." _

–Erica Jong-

Alec was still drowning in his misery. He hadn't left his apartment all day, knowing that he wouldn't be useful in any of TC's operations when all he wanted to do was break things. The sun was already setting, and he still had no answers.

There was a knock on his door. He lifted his head hopefully, but all of his senses were telling him it wasn't the one person he wanted it to be. He opened the door and smiled blandly at her.

"Hey Alec," said Jade, her amber eyes smiling up at him. Then she frowned, taking in the disheveled appearance, the dullness in the green eyes, the stubble of a day's growth on his face. "What happened?" she asked quietly.

He smiled wryly. "Actually it's more like _who_ happened,"

She raised a golden brow at him. "Max?" she asked.

Alec lifted his eyebrows and pursed his lips in assent.

"I'm sorry," she whispered quietly, laying a gentle hand on his chest. Alec was like a brother to her. She knew he thought of her as a sister, too. In fact, she wouldn't be surprised to find that they might actually have a couple of strands of DNA in common.

She had come to him one night, a complete wreck, with some guy problems of her own, specifically concerning a certain dark-haired, dark-eyed, X5-408, Quinn.

In exchange, Jade had coaxed a confession out of Alec's own lips about his own emotional baggage. X5-452, the dark-haired, dark-eyed, Max. Her lips quirked slightly.

"I'm glad you think this is all so amusing, Jade." he drawled sarcastically. He leaned his arm on the doorframe, by his head, laid the other hand on his hip and crossed his legs.

Jade just threw her golden blond head back and laughed. "Yeah, I actually do," she chuckled. "I think it's pathetic that we're both so hung up on two dark-haired, dark-eyed transgenics that are both intent on kicking our sorry asses to the curb."

Alec relaxed a little. Trust Jade to find the humor in this dark situation. Until he met Jade, he had never really understood Max's insistence that she felt 'brotherly' and 'sisterly' affections for her X5 escapees. He affectionately reached over and chucked her under the chin, just like a brother. Alec wasn't known for his "affectionate" moments, but Jade was an exception.

When he had met her, he had thought she was gorgeous—of course, Manticore made sure of that. She had hair the color of rich honey, cinnamon colored eyes that glowed amber when she was riled, and a ridiculous spray of freckles on her face. But strangely, he had felt more a kinship with her than an attraction. Thinking of her in _that_ way had just fell wrong on so many levels that he had actually shuddered.

"So what happened with you and Quinn last night? Did you take my advice?" he asked, curious about how her little 'experiment' had gone.

She threw her arms around him in excitement. Alec almost stumbled back into his apartment; he had no choice but to hold her against him. Jade really was an uncontainable firecracker. She was the anti-thesis of what Manticore would have wanted her to be. Maybe this was her way of dealing with Manticore—to be very exuberant about showing her emotions. Except with Quinn, who apparently turned her into a mass of jell-o.

"It worked! You should have seen his face, Alec! You were right." she exclaimed.

Alec chuckled. The first ray of real sunshine finally hitting his day (after the sun had already set no less). "I'm always right." he said smugly.

She rolled her eyes at him. He smirked at her. "Come on in, and tell me all about his face."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Max felt like an eighteen-wheeler had run over her heart.

She had been on her way to see Mole about some gunrunners trying to entice a deal with Terminal City's residents. That meant she had to pass by Alec's place on the way. She could have avoided this by calling Mole over to see her, but really, Alec shouldn't control her actions like that. But then, she had see Jade arrive at his door. Max knew that she should have turned around and walked away. But a masochistic side of her had sent her scurrying behind a column, _spying _on them.

She saw the tender way Alec looked at Jade. She saw his affectionate gesture. Alec was _never_ tender or affectionate.

And it didn't help any that they looked great together. The golden couple. Max tried to look away from their laughing, relaxed faces, but she couldn't. She felt shattered. She couldn't breathe, some stupid lump in her throat was blocking her airway. Her heart was constricting. Her mind was in chaos. Her knees were going weak.

This was real pain—the kind that she had spent all 22 years of her life running away from.

And the sad thing was, she didn't know what the hell to do to deal with it. She could cry. Again. Maybe that would work—it would ease the constricting feeling in her chest. God, she hated that she was so _weak_ when it came to him.

She saw Jade happily throw herself into Alec's arms. Saw Alec's face light up with genuine joy. She felt a sob break out of her. Even if she had promised herself to be stoic and self-composed about her 'relationship' with Alec—she had still thought that they had shared something special last night—something worth developing in time. But apparently, he already had that with someone else.

Disillusioned, hurt, betrayed, and trembling, Max turned around and left. The damned gunrunners could all go to hell.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So…because of my shirt, Max left you?"

"That about sums it up, I think."

Jade stalked up and down his apartment while Alec sat on a chair, amused, his eyes following her from one end of the room to the other.

She stopped in front of him, her hands on her hips. "It doesn't add up," she insisted. She looked to be in deep thought, then she smiled brilliantly at him, which Alec thought, was just wrong. He was supposed to be miserable, why was she smiling like that?

"I have a theory!" she exclaimed, her golden eyes sparking like gold underwater.

Alec eyed her warily. "What? That the world revolves around me? Sorry, but it's been proven to be true."

She rolled her eyes at him. "No, I mean, that no woman reacts with that much rage and hurt if they didn't feel anything…you know what I mean?"

He just shook his head. Confused.

She patted him on the shoulder, feigning a look of pity on her face. "You know, for someone who has an IQ of 187, you sure are slow."

"Just tell me already," he growled impatiently. Sisters. Why did they have to be so annoying?

"I think that Max is insanely jealous of me, which leads me to believe that she has feelings for you. From what I know about her, she doesn't just bang guys for fun." She looked pointedly at him, a reprimand in her eyes, obviously because he did 'bang' girls for fun…occasionally.

"So you're saying…" he trailed off, afraid to hope.

"Slow, so slow…" she teased. "I'm saying that she is in love with you."

Jade almost felt sorry for Alec at that moment. His expression went from disbelief to happiness to confusion to hope, and everything in between. "You really think so?"

"I know I'd go into a manic rage if I felt that Quinn had lied to me about being the 'only one'."

"Hey, I was telling her the truth!"

Jade crossed her arms over her chest and just shook her head. "It doesn't matter. She didn't know that. We women don't think like that. I see a pink shirt in a guy's apartment that isn't mine _after_ he tells me that I've been the only one he's ever cared enough about to share his bed with…well, I'd probably tear his head off. Good thing Max is a little more cool-headed than I am."

"Cool-headed," Alec snorted. "She was like an ice cube when she found out."

"See? She cares about you."

"She sure has a funny way of showing it." Alec grumbled.

"I'm telling you, you should go over to her and just tell her how you feel…woo her with your gift of gab or something." suggested Jade. "In the meantime, I'm gonna go ahead to Phase 2 of our plan to get Quinn to notice me. See ya, Alec. And thanks for washing the stain you put on my shirt off."

He waved absent-mindedly at her, but he was already contemplating what Jade had just shared with him. Tell Max the truth? The idea was downright scary. Was he suicidal? Hell no!

But if what Jade had told him was the truth…then, he was potentially looking at something far greater than the pain he would feel if she told him to get lost.

Besides, Jade might have a point. He remembered the way Max had melted in his arms. She had wanted him—and that was as good a start as any. He could just seduce her if she resisted. He grinned at the thought. He wouldn't put it past himself to do just that.

Making up his mind, he decided to go find Max, a small smile on his lips.


	10. Chapter 10: Madness

**Disclaimer:  Dark Angel and all its glorious darkness isn't mine.**

**A/N: I had to write something that would tear Max and Alec apart. I was feeling dark and gloomy. Thought I'd share it with the world.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Chapter 10**

"_**We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them."**_

–**Kahlil Gibran-**

Max knew that even when she couldn't have Alec, she still had to cut Logan loose. It wasn't fair to both of them to keep pretending to live a lie. So, she'd told Joshua where she was going, in case anybody needed her. Then she left, before she changed her mind.

"Hey," said Max, barely above a whisper.

Logan turned around, startled. He hadn't heard her come in. He smiled thoughtfully at Max. "Hey, yourself," he said equally softly. He stood up to walk over to where she was.

Max tensed a little bit as Logan came closer, but didn't move away. He just took her into his arms in a hug. A warm, comforting hug that somehow felt just right. It wasn't urgent, it didn't ask for anything more than she was ready or willing to give. There was no pressure or expectations attached to it. It was just the natural contact between two souls that needed comforting.

"Is everything all right?" Logan asked, his voice rumbling in his chest by her ear.

Max pulled away gently from him. She looked into his pale blue eyes through his glasses. She could see a sadness that hadn't been there yesterday. Her heart ached. He knew. Oh, God, he _knew._

"We need to talk," she said softly. She didn't know why they had been whispering the whole time. It just didn't seem right to speak out loud, afraid that hearts were already breaking and anything more than a whisper would cause their tentative bond to shatter.

Logan walked slowly towards a plush recliner chair. It used to be Joshua's favorite chair that he had re-upholstered. He sank into it resignedly. "I know. I figured we'd have to."

Suddenly, Max's heart was breaking all over again. But this time, it was breaking for Logan. They had been through so much, and he loved her so much. "I'm sorry." she said with aching softness, never having meant those two words more in her life.

His lips quirked in a sad smile. "I'm sorry, too."

A part of Max didn't want to let this go. She still loved Logan. And if it wasn't with the passion and desperate depth of feeling that she had for Alec, she never wanted him to know. She walked over to where he sat and peered down into his sad eyes.

"I never wanted to hurt you," she started to say, crouching down to see him face-to-face. He put a finger to her lips to silence her. Then that finger began to trace her soft lips in a feather-light touch. They just stared into each other's eyes, two people that had once meant so much to each other.

"I still love you," she whispered brokenly. And this was the truth. She loved Logan with a tenderness that warmed her heart—he had melted the ice around her heart first. It was strong and gentle, full of admiration and respect for the man that he was.

He sighed deeply. His hand cupping her face, just reveling in the simple pleasure of touching her. "And I love you, Max. But it's not enough is it?" he asked quietly. He had known that this day would come. He had always known but had always hoped it never would come to this.

Max couldn't make herself answer him. She just stared desperately at him, her eyes begging him to understand. Logan just continued to look at her, as if he could read her thoughts. "You love him, don't you?" he murmured, the pain in his voice not masked by the undertone.

Her eyes widened. She suddenly felt like she was being pulled in so many directions. But at the top of it all, there was this knowledge that she mustn't hurt Logan any more than he already was. She could only nod. There was no use in lying—lying would only hurt more.

She reached over and touched his face, the scruff of his beard gently scratching her hand. "I never meant for it to come down to this."

"Max, why didn't you just tell me?"

Max swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "I didn't—didn't feel like this—until…" _I know it hurts, but just say it. It has to be said._ "…until I had the cure…and it didn't change anything…" she faltered. "I never chose to…" she tried again, but found that there were no more words left.

She saw Logan's eyes go duller with pain. Above all else she wanted to make him all right. She wanted to bottle up all this stupid painful emotions and toss it away.

Logan shook his head sadly. "You didn't choose voluntarily. It was meant to be somehow…with the path that we're on. The turn that our lives have taken…we had our chance and we've lost it."

"Don't say that, I'll probably get over this," she said in an attempt to ease the tension. "In time, I will." She never wanted Logan to feel like her love for him had been far surpassed by this other feelings for Alec.

There was a small eternity of silence. "No, you won't," he whispered, seeing through her lie. Max died a little inside. "I sure hope you don't get over it." He swallowed, then smiled painfully. "Max, I love you. More than anything. You know I do. But this isn't something I can…compete with. Ever."

"Oh." Max breathed, surprised. Logan was such a good man. _Why, why couldn't I have just stayed in love with him?_

_Because you belong with Alec, body, mind, heart and soul._

She leaned her forehead against Logan's. "You're the best man that I know," she whispered truthfully.

Logan licked his lips, then leaned closer to kiss her. Max closed her eyes and enjoyed the chaste kiss. It was a kiss borne out of admiration and respect. A kiss of love faded away. A kiss of good-bye.

"Get your hands off of her."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_**Jealousy is bred in doubts. When those doubts turn into certainties, then the passion either ceases or turns to absolute madness."**_

**- La Rouchefoucauld-**

Alec had gone to see Joshua who had directed him to Logan's in his search for Max.

Dread had filled him. But he had to know. Even if it destroyed him.

He had wondered why Max had sought him out yesterday in the first place. He had wanted more than anything to believe Jade. But somehow, his mind hadn't really believed her—and knowing that Max was with Logan only confirmed it. The doubts and fears inside of him had only grown in the few minutes that it had taken to reach Logan's residence.

There was a nagging suspicion in his mind that to Max, he had just been some sick experiment to test her feelings for Logan. It was far-fetched, but it represented his deepest fear.

So, it had been a real stab in the back to find his doubts turned into reality.

He had stood outside of the window transfixed. He couldn't move; the chains of his despair were holding him down so tightly it was even hard to take a breath. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but the picture before him said more than a thousand words.

Alec had been stupid to think that Max had finally chosen him. He felt the now-familiar pang in his heart. He was tired of being second choice. Tired of being the back-up plan.

He forced himself to look at them again. Logan was sitting on a chair with Max kneeling like the supplicant in front of him. They were touching each other tenderly. Whispering.

Alec clenched his fist, his jaw rigid, as rage burst through his heart. _Max, I'm sorry. I can't share you. I just can't._

**_Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot_. **

–**D.H. Lawrence-**

He stormed into the house, crashing in on them just as they were kissing. The image etched itself through fire in the back of his mind. It seared him through.

It released something primal in him that he couldn't control.

"Get your hands off of her." His voice was no more a whisper, but it carried through with such force that Max and Logan broke apart instantly.

"Alec!" gasped Max, scrambling to her feet.

But Alec was gone. He had given in to the animal inside of him. With a roar, he lunged at Logan, his hand encircling the older man's throat. Logan was sputtering now, his eyes wide with fear.

Max tried to pry Alec away from Logan, but he had always been far stronger than her, and his rage only served to fuel his strength more He flung her away like she was a rag doll. She crashed into a wall, causing it to crack and splinter.

"Alec," she sobbed brokenly.

Logan had lost consciousness from the lack of air. Alec considered snapping his neck, but he heard Max's broken voice. And suddenly, he was dragged back to reality.

He stared in horror at his hands. He looked over at Max, who was laying brokenly against the wall.

"Max?" There was such a shattered expression on her face that scared him. There was a look in her eyes that killed him. She was disgusted with him. He couldn't blame her. This was what he was. An animal.

"Why, Alec?"

He couldn't answer.

"_What's wrong with you?"_ she screamed, tears streaking her face.

Alec turned his back to her. She saw that he was shaking. She stood up slowly, her body still aching from being thrown back so hard against the wall. He had dropped his head in his hands, his shoulders still shaking. My, God, was he _crying?_

No, he was…

_Laughing_?

"Oh, God, Max," he spun around, his face twisted with derisive laughter. "Now, there's a good joke if I ever heard one. What's wrong with me? _What's wrong with me?_ What…is…wrong…with…me?"

His shoulders sagged, his laughter disappearing as suddenly as it came. It was replaced by such a haunted look on his handsome face. "What's _wrong_ is how much I love you. I loved you even when you were still so hung up on him. I loved you even as I drowned myself in other women. I loved you no matter how much you told me I was never going to be good enough. I loved you no matter how hard I tried to kill it. I loved you so much I almost killed him!"

Max sagged back against the wall.

"How pathetic am I, Max?" he demanded, his voice harsh. "To love you, the one woman I could never have." He laughed humorlessly, darkly. "You, Max Guevara, the love of my fucking life, who never gave me the fucking time of day. You who crawled into bed with me last night and fucked my brains out. You who—"

"STOP."

"What stop now? I only just got started." He drawled dangerously. "Now that I've finally gotten you to listen to me." he smiled.

His smile was terrifying. The only thought in Max's head was that he had almost killed Logan. She chanced a glance at Logan's prone body.

"Don't worry, he'll live." Alec said flatly. There was an expression on his face that she had never seen before. It was a bone-deep weariness punctuated by a glimmer of defeat.

Alec couldn't stand the look of disgust on Max's face. He had truly become the animal that she had so often accused him of being. And all because he loved her.

"Alec,"

"Save it, I'm leaving." He said curtly, before stalking out of the old house, never once looking back.

He was leaving. He couldn't stay now. He had just destroyed whatever it was that he had had with Max. He had no future here anymore.

"_You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad."_

–Aldous Huxley-

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**A/N: So now I'm gonna suffer for this madness. The real problem is figuring out how to get them back together. If you guys still want them together…? Please review and let me know if this was just way off, or absolutely brilliant. Hehehe…either way, it's a moment of madness. **


	11. Chapter 11: Poison

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own Dark Angel.**

**A/N: **This is a really rough draft, but I appreciate everyone's input and I promise, I'm just trying to set things up. I'm really tired and sick, so y'all better appreciate this. LOL.

**Chapter 11:**

"**_Love must be as much a light as it is a flame."_ **

–**Henry David Thoreau- **

Max checked on Logan and made sure that he was going to be fine. She was trembling. She had never seen such anger come from Alec before. It had been terrifying.

_How could I love someone like him?_ she thought in anguish. They were too volatile a combination. If it hadn't been Alec blowing up, it would have been her, sooner or later.

Love like that couldn't be sustained. It was dark. It was dangerous. And it sent panic coursing through her to realize that even with this darker part of Alec, she had still been helplessly drawn to him.

She was disgusted more for herself than with Alec. What had she really expected from him? She had released something in him that not even Manticore could.

She could never be with Alec. They would have their moments of passion, but they would ultimately destroy each other with those same passions. What they had together was pure fire—but it didn't light up their lives in a way that love was supposed to.

_What had Manticore done to us?_ They'd played God and made creatures that were neither animal nor human. Beings that didn't know how to understand their emotions. It was as if at the call of their baser feelings like pain, anger, jealousy, and passion, they lost all sense and just got swept away.

Manticore was right. Emotions, especially ones this strong, were a weakness. They were dangerous in the hearts of Transgenics. No wonder she had clung to the safety of her love for Logan. It was a different kind of love that didn't involve arousing any wildness from her.

Max curled into a corner in Logan's bedroom, crying. She was scared, afraid of the realization that she was just an animal after all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_**Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less." **_

**_-_Rabbi Julius Gordon-**

Max and Alec avoided each other as much as possible in the next month. Luckily, after two years, Terminal City was a full-fledged Sector of the city of Seattle. Max was the City Council representative, the face of the Transgenic cause, but because of everybody's Manticore training and background, Terminal City ran like a well-oiled machine.

This meant that Max never had to interact with Alec except for the weekly Committee meetings. Alec was head of TC's largest and most important committee: Commerce and Reconstruction—a role he seemed to have been born for.

But their closest friends were noticing the signs of the strain between the two.

They had both seemingly lost interest in life. The spark of their personalities seemed to have been extinguished. They stared off into space often, and sighed out loud just as often. And when they accidentally touched each other, they sprang apart like they had been burned.

Nobody could understand why they were acting so strangely. It was obvious that they were in love with each other. Whenever Alec walked into a room, Max's eyes would be drawn to him unerringly. Whenever Alec heard Max's voice, his head would tilt slightly towards the sound. But they steadfastly refused to acknowledge each other.

Jade observed the two of them, but said nothing. Alec had literally tossed her ass out of his apartment a few weeks ago when she had tried to intervene. Max had just slammed the door shut in her face when she had tried to talk to her. She sighed heavily. Damn, this whole sighing thing was catching on. Something had to be done, but she was just as inexperienced as everyone else in Terminal City about dealing with intricate human emotions. What could she do?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Max had never been so miserable in her life. It was an effort just to get up every morning knowing there was nothing but heart ache to greet her.

With everyday that passed, it became harder and harder just to stop herself from reaching out and wrapping her arms around Alec. She wanted to press her lips against his and tell him that everything was going to be all right. She desperately missed seeing the smirk on his face, missed the way he went out of his way just to annoy her, missed his sarcasm and wit. Alec had become a shell of who he used to be. It was like he was afraid to live—to be alive again. He was afraid of who he had become that fateful night.

Max wanted to tell him that it didn't matter anymore, that nothing mattered anymore except seeing him smile again. But that would be a lie. Because every time she closed her eyes, she still saw the hooded menace that had masked his handsome face that night.

She didn't know how to bridge the gap that had developed between them. If there was even any way two people could ever look at each other the same way again after trust had been ripped apart like that.

She finally decided that she needed someone to talk to. Pretending was already so hard.

She went to O.C.'s apartment. When she needed some sense knocked into her, Original Cindy's no-nonsense approach to life usually did the trick.

She walked into her former apartment unannounced, taking in the familiarity of the place. It still felt like home in a way. It lifted her sagging spirits a fraction.

"Hey! Anybody home?" she called out.

"Is that my Boo?" called a voice from the candle-lit bathroom.

Max sauntered over to stand by the door. "The one and only," she confirmed, smiling sadly.

"Well, don't just stand there! C'mon in, Sugah, I'm all decently covered in happy little bubbles."

Max walked in and sure enough, O.C. was happily lounging in the tub, covered in scented bubbles. Max wrinkled her nose pertly at the idea of a scented bath. "Girly stuff," she muttered.

"I know you didn't just bash your honey's taste in bathwater," berated O.C. with a mock look of challenge on her face. "A girl's gotta take care of her assets, Boo. Not everyone got perfect DNA like you."

Max smiled wistfully and sighed, "Maybe not so perfect,"

O.C. looked quizzically up at her Boo. There was something really tragic hanging in the air around her, and it was bringing the whole room down. She looked terrible. She had lost weight—and when someone was already a size 2, it was a drastic thing. She looked hollow, too, like she had lost the essence that had made her Max. "What's wrong, Boo? You look like the cat that ate the damned canary and choked on it."

"Thanks, that's real comforting, Cin," said Max, sarcastically. She sprayed O.C. with water from the tub. It was the first time she had been playful and sarcastic in a month.

"Hey, watch the hair! But seriously, what's buggin'?"

"Alec." Max sighed emphatically.

"What about him?"

"Only that I think I actually love him." confessed Max in a small voice. "I mean, I love him…like…_love_ him."

O.C., who had been busy shaving her leg at that point, dropped the razor, her eyes widening in shocked amusement. "Well. There's something to make a girl drop everything and stare," she commented wryly.

Max just sighed. OC felt around in the water for her razor, still a little surprised by the speed of the development. Or actually, she wasn't surprised. More like mildly astonished. She had always known Max felt _something_ for Alec, but hadn't expected Max to really articulate into words. "So, what about Logan?" she ventured tentatively.

"I already talked to him, cut him loose and all," mumbled Max. "I still love him…but not in the same way."

"And in what way would that be?"

Max smiled helplessly at her friend. "You know that hot monkey sex I was supposed to be having with Logan when I found the cure?"

"Mm-hmm."

"I had it with Alec."

O.C. dropped her razor again. "Damn, Boo, you work fast. Either that, or Alec is easy."

Max actually chuckled, a sound that seemed foreign to her now. This was what O.C. was good for. "Actually, _I_ was easy. Couple of hot kisses, and I couldn't think straight." Max groaned just remembering last night with Alec. "O.C., it was all there. Everything you ever read about. Fireworks. Weak in the knees. The whole shebang."

O.C. looked at her Boo thoughtfully. She'd never heard Max be so girly before. It was actually a good thing. But why was she looking so miserable? "So, if is all good…what's the problem?"

"We've lost it. It's gone. He went all primal and almost killed Logan when he saw us together."

Original Cindy blinked rapidly like she couldn't understand the concept. "What!"

"It happened a month ago, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, it's just that…I thought I could handle this by myself…that things would just be all right," sighed Max. She sat on the floor, a good splashing-distance away. She hugged her knees to herself. Tears started to slide down her cheek. "But everything's just so messed up now. I don't know what to do. I can't look at him the same way…but I still love him so much."

O.C. looked at Max with her piercing dark eyes. "What do you _want_ to do, Boo?"

"I want to erase that memory…"

"That ain't never gonna happen." said O.C. softly, stopping Max from going down a fool's alleyway. "Now, tell me honestly, what do you want to do about everything _now_?"

Max looked helplessly at her best friend. She was so torn. She could never forgive Alec for what he had done. But at the same time, not being with him was tearing her apart. She just shook her head, because there were no words to explain what was in her heart. "I'm almost sorry that I ever discovered my feelings for him."

O.C. looked at her Boo, a strange look in her eyes. "Boo, never say sorry for havin' feelings. Sometimes, they hurt like the bitch, but it's only human. _You_ only human. Is all good."

"I'm not even really human, O.C." Max's voice trembled. They were coming to the heart of the matter. This was all about being unable to trust herself to love. Being unable to trust Alec.

God, the things they could do to hurt each other.

"You human in all the ways that matter, Boo," Original Cindy murmured comfortingly. She pulled a towel and wrapped it around herself as she got out of the tub. She went over to her friend, and sat by her. She had never seen Max so…broken. It wasn't right.

Max's lips trembled at a memory. She looked at O.C., her tear-stained face tense and pale. "I'm poison," she murmured. "I hurt everyone I love. I destroy people's lives. I kill people. Tinga…Ben…even Brin. Even loving me is poison. Look at Zack…he died for me. Look at Logan and the virus…and Alec, I've destroyed him, too."

Original Cindy wrapped her arms around her trembling friend. "Boo, none o'that is your fault,"

Max just leaned into O.C., letting the tears roll down her face. She wished she could believe her friend. But maybe Renfro had been right all along. Maybe she was meant to be alone. Maybe she was only good for hurting people.

"Boo, I want you to listen to me," whispered Original Cindy. "My life ain't been nothin' but good since I met you. The lives of the people in Terminal City are better 'cuz of you. Zack chose to die for you, you didn't kill him. The virus bitch is gone and Logan's aiight. And Alec…" she turned Max's face so she was looking directly at her best friend's face. "Alec just loves you very much. Don't blame yourself for him for loving you. It ain't a bad thing."

Max gave O.C. a wobbly smile and a tiny nod.

"Now tell me, what'chu wanna do now?"

There was a flicker of hope in Max's eyes. "I want to be with Alec."

Original Cindy smiled widely. "Then what're you waitin' for, go get your boy!"

Max stood up and smiled slightly at her friend. "Aiight. I'mma head over and set the record straight." Then just before she left, she looked over he shoulder and grinned—the old Max slowly resurfacing. "By the way, you lookin' a lot like Rip Van _Wrinkle._"

O.C. pursed her lips in amusement. "You just jealous that my water smells like lilacs."

Max chuckled softly.

"Max, everything's gonna turn out right."

"I hope so."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_**Love has little to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give—which is everything."**_

–**Katharine Hepburn-**

Alec was sitting in front of his TV, looking at the blur of colors, but not really seeing anything. He sat like this almost every night, unable to sleep. It had been a month since that episode with Logan—but he still had nightmares about it. He had almost killed an innocent man. He had never felt so helpless as that moment when he had lost all control.

And then there was the look that Max had given him. **_What is wrong with you?_ **The accusing tone in her voice when she had uttered those words still echoed in his head.

Alec looked around in his apartment. It was a mess. He was normally so fastidious about order—something from his Manticore days that he had decided was worth holding on to. But that night he had come back from Logan's, he had destroyed his apartment in an effort to expend the rage and pain that had built up inside of him. He still didn't have the heart or energy to ever put things back to rights.

He dropped his head into his hands, feeling the hot tears that seeped in between his fingers. Suddenly, his body was wracked in heart-breaking sobs. He had never cried like this before. But he was so tired. Tired of seeing Max and knowing that he would never be with her. Tired of pretending: _No, I'm not always all right_.

He just couldn't do it anymore.

Everyday, he saw her grow thinner, sadder, a ghost of who she used to be. _I did that_, he thought miserably. _I destroyed the one person I loved more than anything._

He knew that just by being around, he was making things worse for her. And despite everything, he still loved her. Had always loved her, and because of his rotten luck, would probably always love her.

So, he would do one thing right. He would give up everything for her. He would give her everything that he could give—even if everything meant that she wanted nothing more to do with him.

He stood up and started to pack a few things into a backpack. He looked around at his apartment, at the things strewn all over the place. Funny, how in two years outside of Manticore he had accumulated so much…stuff. He had three pairs of sunglasses, too many clothes, gadgets like high powered binoculars he didn't need anyway, books (although he preferred not to let anyone know he actually liked reading), and even trinkets. He smiled sadly to himself. He never would have pegged himself as a souvenir kind of guy. But there were pieces of his life from the last two years. A matchbox from the Blowfish Tavern, a book on The Art of War that he had swiped from Logan's, a cube of blue pool chalk he had slipped into his pocket from Crash, a couple of tokens from some arcade that he sometimes took a couple of the X6 adolescents for some down time, his Jam Pony sector pass, a paintbrush of Joshua's that he had accidentally taken with him…trinkets. Strangely enough, Seattle—Terminal City—had really become his home.

But he couldn't—wouldn't—stay. Staying meant hurting Max. He would give her the peace that she deserved. He would give up his home, his dreams, his purpose, everything for her.

With only a couple of changes of clothing, his toothbrush, and his favorite pair of sunglasses, Alec took one final look at his apartment and was hit with a sentimentality he didn't think he possessed. He went back inside and took out pen and paper.

A few minutes later, the door clicked shut.

Time and distance would be his friends. Maybe with them, the ghost of Max would finally stop haunting him.


	12. Chapter 12: Letting Go

**DISCLAIMER: Dark Angel isn't my baby. **

**A/N: I wanted to write this chapter as a way to show how Max and Alec were starting to "grow up" and realize that they would still love each other even without the passion that seemed to have clouded their judgment. And it gave me a chance to make Alec a little more lighthearted again. Hope you guys like it. Please read and review. I promise it is still a Max/Alec story!**

**Chapter 12:**

"_**Between too early and too late, there is never more than a moment."**_

–Franz Werfel-

Alec was gone.

Max didn't know how she knew, but she just did.

The moment she had walked into his apartment, she had felt it. The stillness. The emptiness. Alec was gone. For a second, she felt like she was suffocating. _She was too late. _

She looked around at the shambles of his apartment. The air felt heavy with his rage and consequent anguish.

But there were other memories in here, too. Memories of that night they shared, when they had laid bare their emotions even before they had been able to say them out loud. She understood, now, exactly what that night had meant to her. It was why she had broken things off with Logan so easily and so permanently after almost three years of dancing around their on-again, off-again relationship.

She had given her love to Alec that night without her even knowing it.

Max felt paralyzed. Her thoughts were too jumbled up. She couldn't think past the fact that he had actually left. She tried to rationalize that he was just down theblock at Joshua's, or in the armory with Mole, or at HQ with Dix…but she _knew_ he was gone.

This wasn't the way it was supposed to be! "Alec?" she whispered, even knowing that there would be no answers.

"Alec!" she cried out, louder, almost a shout, her voice tinged with desperation. Just silence. Hollowed silence.

In a daze, she walked slowly around his apartment and found a piece of paper. It stood stark white against the darkness that had settled over his empty place.

Unfolding it, Max immediately recognized Alec's neat block writing. She read the note. It was brief, but Max's hand was shaking.

_**Max,**_

_**I'm sorry. I love you. **_

_**Alec**_

Five words.

_DAMN YOU, ALEC! Why did you have to leave?_ she thought desperately. She wanted to tell him there was nothing to be sorry about. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, too. She was suddenly spurred into action, her paralysis broken by his letter. She ran out of his apartment and straight to Joshua's.

"Joshua!" she cried, banging loudly on his door.

Joshua opened the door, his eyes slightly bleary. He had been expecting this late night visit from his Little Fella.

"Alec. He's gone, Josh!" Max cried frantically. Hearing herself say the words out loud just made it seem more real, too. She grabbed the lapels of his coat, resisting the urge to manhandle the dog-man who was easily twice her size. "Where did he go?"

Joshua looked down sadly at his Little Fella. He shook his head sadly. Alec had come to see him just before he left. He had made it clear that he didn't want to be found, that he was leaving for good. Joshua reached over to his friend and hugged her tightly. "Alec went away, Little Fella," he whispered roughly. "Alec too sad to stay in Terminal City. Alec thinks Little Fella too sad to be around him."

"No, no, no," Max whispered. "No, that's wrong. I need Alec, Big Fella. I _need_ him to be around me. Tell me where he is." she pleaded, her brown eyes swimming with tears.

Joshua had no answers for his Little Fella. Alec wanted to disappear, and for an X5, that was a feat altogether too easy. He just shook his head. Max buried her face on his chest and cried with sobs that broke Joshua's heart.

"I'm sorry, Little Fella. Alec is gone away."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"**_Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for things that we did not do that is inconsolable."_ **

–Sydney J. Harris, _Strictly Personal-_

Max eventually went on with her life. It was hard at first. There was nothing more brutal than facing regret. Max realized that it had put her life into stark perspective. Things were much clearer now—the things she regretted doing: pushing Alec away andnever appreciating him, were completely eclipsed by the regret of what she had _not_ done: telling him that she loved him.

Not only that, but she had to deal with the whiplash of what Alec had really meant to Terminal City.

While she had been the head of Terminal City, he had been the soul of their little community. She learned more about Alec in his absence than she ever did when he had been around. Everything she learned about him had only made her love him more.

Everyone loved him. He was a rogue, a charmer, someone who knew exactly what to say to make someone else laugh. He had listened to others. He had acted on others' concerns.

_No wonder he was so good as C&R Chair,_ Max mused sadly. He had a gift for knowing what people wanted and delivering.

The Committee had unanimously voted Jadeto replaceAlec as C&R Chair. She was competent and strong. She was also similarly gifted with outspokenness and charm. Max didn't feel comfortable about working so closely with Jade, but she compartmentalized her feelings and locked them away. She had no time for irrational jealousies when the object of her affections was no longer around. She made sure she was professional, albeit distant, when it came to the other female transgenic.

After a short while, everyone seemed to just move on.

But not Max. Every night, she stood on top of the Space Needle radiating waves of her aching loneliness. She willed him to come back. She prayed for him to come back. She silently begged whatever powers there be to bring him back.

But she was always answered by silence. She was always left with her broken heart and damning thoughts. Left with her regrets. She had long since forgiven Alec—something that she had never thought she could do.

She was finding it a little more difficult to forgive herself for being too late.

A year after his departure, Terminal City was back to its chaotic normalcy. _Like Alec had never been there. _It was a sobering thought, as well as a relieving one. Terminal City could stand on its own even after losing one of its leaders. Even the search had been called off permanently as voted by the Committee.They had all (except Max) agreed that Alec could takecare of himself...and anX5 that didn't want to be found was like finding a needle in a haystack.

As a result, Max had turned to Logan and his Eyes Only resources. Reluctantly, but always the good friend, Logan had sent word out to his contacts. Logan had also tried to revive his relationship with Max. He had been respectfully distant in the beginning, but had started to spend more and more time with her. One night, he leaned over and kissed her.

For a moment, Max let herself be kissed, missing the simple contact. But she pulled away and smiled sadly at her friend. "Logan, no," she said softly.

"Max, he's _gone_." He pointed out quietly.

Max thought about it for a moment. There really was nothing else stopping her from being with Logan. Except for the fact that she still loved Alec. "He's still inside of me, Logan." She said simply.

Logan shook his head at her. "He left. _He gave up_. Max, you've got to move on."

She stood up to leave, her eyes shuttered. "_I_ haven't given up, Logan. Please, you have to understand."

Logan looked at her longingly, but nodded anyway. "I can't say I understand, but I respect your decision. I just wanted you to know that…I still love you…if you'll have me." he sighed.

Max walked over to him and kissed him softly on the forehead. "You'll always be the first man I loved. But, I think Alec may be the last one I ever will." She smiled sadly at her words. "And if this is the way it is, then this is the way it will be. I just can't be with anyone else."

Logan nodded in defeat. "Fine."

Max left and jumped on her baby and sped up to the Needle. There was something that she needed to say out in the wind.

"Alec," she whispered to the wind, "Just please be okay. I love you."

She knew that she would love him always. _Nothing_ could change that. So with those words, she finally let him go.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_**The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character."**_

-Isabelle Eberhardt-

Alec spent a year moving around the West. He jumped from Washington to Oregon to California to Nevada to Arizona. He spent some time in Phoenix, Arizona. It was a place just as broken as Seattle was, but at least it didn't rain there all the time.

Everywhere he went he thought of Max. Each time he glimpsed a girl with long dark hair, his heart would quicken, only to break a little when it wasn't her.

For a long time, Alec just ran. He tried to outrun his memories of Max. He could not have survived if he had not shut his memories down.

But after a year, he realized that he could remember her without the debilitating pain that always came with it. He could picture her flashing brown eyes and just smile wistfully. He could remember the expressions that she would pull on her face from annoyance to determination, and he would just chuckle to himself. He could picture her lips and the way she smelled, the feel of her skin, the way she tasted…and…_Down boy! Maybe I'm not ready to face those memories just yet, _he thought ruefully.

At least his sense of humor was back. And he'd just won gas money from some guys idiot enough to play pool with him. Running away was a bitch on his wallet.

"Hey buddy," a slurred voice called out from the bar. "Ya gotta see this!"

He looked up from his drink, curious as to what the commotion was about. He noticed that a couple of other guys were looking out of the door and sneering. Alec frowned.

"It's one of them freaks!" called an excited voice.

At those words, Alec stood up and casually strode over to the back door where several men had gathered, pretending to be one of the spectators. What he saw made bile rise up his throat. A heavily pregnant woman was being held down by four men and groped and fondled by two others.

"Please, don't," she cried. She looked like she was in pain, very weak, very tired, and very much in _labor_.

Alec sauntered over to the six men until he was standing directly over them and the woman. "Hey, boys," he drawled.

They looked up, sneers and leers on their faces. "Thought I might let you in on some fun I had planned for this evenin'." he continued, keeping his expression neutral.

"Yeah, whaddya have in mind?"

He shrugged indifferently, "Oh, something along the lines of…" he kicked the nearest man in the face and he fell back, "…this!" Then he blurred into action, finishing the five other drunken men quickly with a series of kicks and punches. He stood over the fallen figures and the woman who was desperately trying to get up. He eyed the spectators coldly. "Anyone else wanna play?"

There was just stunned silence. Phoenix did not have as many Transgenics as Seattle, so most of these men had never seen one in action before.

"Are you sure? I promise to play nice." He said sarcastically.

A burly man stepped up and sneered at Alec. He was a full head taller than Alec, and weighed twice as much. He flicked a switchblade open.

Alec eyed the blade disdainfully. "Better be careful with that toy you're holdin' on to. You just might find it sticking out of your chest."

Get the hell out of here you freaks!" burly man said menacingly.

Alec pulled the girl up beside him. He had to give her credit. She stood in fighting stance. He glanced at the burly man's hand and smiled dangerously. "We prefer 'Genetically Empowered', although 'Transgenic' would be a step-up from freak." He said conversationally. He was assessing his escape. There were at least a dozen men now, and with a woman in labor, it would be difficult even for him to leave without damage.

He eased the woman behind him and started back tracking towards the front where his bike was parked. Luckily, everyone seemed too stunned and scared by what they had just witnessed to follow him. Finally, when it was safe to turn his back on the men, he looked at the woman worriedly. "Can you…uh…keep your legs crossed long enough to get to a hospital?"

She groaned in pain, but nodded. He straddled his bike and looked uncertainly at her. Maybe he should steal a car. But he really didn't want to draw any more attention than necessary. She hopped on, sitting sideways, solving his little dilemma.

"No hospital," she whispered into his ear.

"Lady, I don't know about you, but I ain't exactly the Ob-Gyn type,"

"Kylie," she whispered again. "Go to Kylie. I'll show you where."

Alec drove away, wondering what kind of mess he had gotten himself into this time.

"Thank you, X5-494," she whispered, reading his barcode.

Alec smiled. He hadn't been 494 in such a long time that it was almost strange to think about it. He realized that he was acting uncharacteristically like 494. He was Alec now, and apparently, Alec cared about the plight of the downtrodden and in labor. "Alec," he called back at her. "My name's Alec."

"I'm X6-457, Katya. Thank you, Alec."

Alec smiled warmly into the night. He was pretty proud of himself…_Maxie, I actually don't mind doing the right thing for once. All your nagging must have worked…_


	13. Chapter 13: Five Years

**DISCLAIMER: **Dark Angel not mine.

**A/N: Promise we're getting to the good stuff next chapter. I'm gonna finish this story even if it kills me. I'm updating as fast as I can before Finals come around…Wish me luck on finishing this and getting ready for Finals (which is in a couple of weeks…eek!)**

**Chapter 13:**

"_**The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."**_

**-Elbert Hubbard-**

_FIVE YEARS LATER_:

"Max!" called Joshua, bounding happily towards HQ. He had a huge grin plastered on his face.

Max spun around, sending her long brown hair that she had never cut flying over her shoulder, a small smile playing on her lips. She had been watching live video feeds of newscasts, keeping an eye on current events. "What is it, Big Fella?" she asked.

"Surprise! Treat for Little Fella!" he said excitedly. He stepped to the side, and that was when Max noticed the tall man who had been behind the dog-man.

"Hello, Max,"

Max looked at the handsome Transgenic, slightly confused. There was no way she could have mistaken him as an Ordinary. He moved with the catlike grace that the X5's were gifted with. He had jet black hair, and familiar aquamarine eyes that glowed like there was a light shining from behind them. He had an easy smirk on his face of someone who was comfortable in his own skin.

"C'mon, Max, don't tell me you don't remember me? You used to punch me in the stomach and steal my rations."

"Zane?"

He wiggled his eyebrows playfully before striding forward towards her. Max flung herself into his arms. "Oh my God, Zane! It's really you!"

Zane wrapped his arms around his little sister. "Who else could look as good as me, huh?"

She slapped him playfully on the arm. "Still the playah…will flirt with anything in a skirt, huh?"

"Too bad you never wear skirts, Max," he quipped. Then he put her down and assessed her keenly. "Sixteen years has done you real good, Baby Sister."

"You don't look half as bad yourself, and you're so _tall_," she said. "'Sides, I'm twenty-six now, Zane, I'm not your Baby Sister anymore."

He smiled ruefully, and looked around Command Center and at some of the transgenics still looking at them. "Nah, you could be ninety and you'd still be my baby sister. It's more the leading an entire nation of Freaks that's throwing me off,"

She chuckled, and pulled on his arm. "We're Genetically Empowered, Zane, not freaks. C'mon, let me introduce you to everyone."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Max and Zane were sitting on the highest place in Terminal City. They sat on the edge of the old communications tower that Dix, Luke and a ragtag team of transgenics had gotten operational a few years back.

"I never thought my life would be like this," Max admitted softly.

"And what is _this_ life like?" he asked, swinging his legs like a little boy.

She smiled wryly at her handsome brother. "Responsible. Being leader is hard. I don't know how Zack did it, but it's no piece of cake, that's for sure."

Zane just shrugged. "Zack was hard-wired for it. You, on the other hand, Baby, did it just from sheer heart. I still don't get it, but that's always been you." He had resorted to calling her 'Baby' the way he used to when they were kids. He did it so that he could annoy her, but at the same time, he was the only one in their unit that ever called her that. It was their 'thing'.

Max sighed heavily, her breath making a small puff of mist in the cold air. She looked out into the night, a shroud of sadness seeming to envelope her.

Zane glanced at his Baby Sister, just marveling at her strength. They had all run away at such young ages, but not everyone had made quite as big an impact on the world as Max. But she wasn't happy. "Lonely up top, ain't it?"

Max shrugged. "What can you expect, when you're a headcase Queen Bitch," she said lightly, trying to dispel the melancholy that sometimes touched her.

Zane wondered briefly if he should say something about why he was here. He wasn't interested in being in Terminal City—it would just cramp his style—but he was here for his Baby Sister.

"I saw him," he said softly. "This Alec-guy who looked like Ben."

Max almost stopped breathing. "Where? When? How?"

Zane smiled uncomfortably. "It's why I'm here. You sent out word…caught wind of it…saw the guy in Texas two weeks ago." He shrugged nonchalantly.

"How is he?" she asked, her voice a little breathless.

Zane looked at her closely, his eerily bright eyes peering deeply into hers. "_Who_ is he? Why are you looking for him?"

"It's a long story,"

"I've got the information you want…I'm only tellin' if you tellin'."

Max glared at him. "You butt-crack."

His answering shrug was exaggerated. "Call me all the names you want, Baby, but I still have your info."

Her desire to hear about Alec was stronger than her pride. So what if her brother found out what a cake she'd made of herself over one guy…or how she was still clinging to his memory for five years.

"Long story short, we had a thing, we fought, had a misunderstanding, mostly my fault, then he left." she said simply. "I love him. My mate."

Zane looked surprised at her words. At the expectant look on his sister's face, he cleared his throat. "Uh, it was in Texas, town called Amarillo, a real shit hole, if you ask me, smelled like cows and shit…anyway, he was yelling at a bunch of X6's about attempted robbery. Guess they were trying to rob some bank. Distinctly hear him say something along the lines of we only 'steal from bad guys'. Then he sent them packin', tellin' them to lay low and watch each other's backs."

Max was smiling oddly. He shifted uncomfortably. "What? What'd I say?"

"Nothing…just that…it's good to know how he is…and…it doesn't sound like something he'd do…it's something I'd hoped he'd do…but it's just good…" she babbled incoherently. She hadn't had news of Alec and it was just…overwhelming.

Zane noticed how much this meant to his sister. He sighed heavily. "Max…" he paused, unsure whether he should say anything at all. "How long has this Alec guy been gone?"

"Five years. Why?"

"Just…that…there was someone else…with him. A girl. Young, early twenties. X6." Zane mumbled, knowing his words were hurting his Baby Sister. "There was a kid, too…"

Max was going to be sick. She looked at her brother, knowing that he would never be so cruel as to make something like this up. She had to get away. She felt paralyzed…like her heart had stopped beating…like she had stopped breathing…She forced herself to breathe… "I need…to…go…somewhere," she said, before springing to her feet and running away.

Zane stared sadly at his Baby Sister. He saw how hurt she was. He clenched his teeth. This Alec fella was gonna pay.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Max was sitting on the Space Needle—a nightly ritual since Alec left. She sighed into the cold night air. He was out there somewhere. And he had moved on. She had once told herself that if Alec ever left her, she would move heaven and earth to find him. Well, it had been five years, and she hadn't done much moving of anything.

The first few months, she had sent search teams out.

Later, she had sent out discreet inquiries. She had even asked Logan to use Eyes Only as a resource. He had reluctantly agreed. But just like the search teams, they had come up empty-handed. Until tonight, when Zane had caught wind of her search.

She had felt like she was at a stalemate with herself.

She wanted to go out to find Alec herself. But she was afraid that leaving Terminal City would be a mistake. At the same time, she wanted to stay in Terminal City and be a good leader. But just letting Alec go would be a mistake.

Now she knew where her mistakes lay. She had let Alec go…and she had lost him for good. She felt so _betrayed_. Even when she had gone into heat, she hadn't allowed another man to touch her—she stayed locked up in her place with Joshua as her guard. But her dreams had been filled with hooded green-gold eyes, and soft chiseled lips.

She closed her eyes and a single tear fell. She had cried enough in the name of love and regret and she was tired. She had to do something, but she didn't know what—she was too afraid of compounding her mistakes. As a leader, all her decisions couldn't be tied to personal reasons. But as a woman whose heart was breaking everyday, being a good leader was getting harder and harder to do.

"Alec? How _could_ you?" she whispered out into the vast nothingness that spread before her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"How did that lead I sent you about the Tryptophan supplier in Austin work out?"

_Really well. That was a good lead. We're negotiating long-term contracts with them right now._

(Long pause) "How is she?"

_I was wondering when you were gonna get to it. Ten minutes into this conversation. That's gotta be a record. (Chuckles) She's doing well. Her brother, Zane, has come to stay. They seem very close._

"Is she happy?"

_She's less bitchy, if you know what I mean._

"Tell me."

_She's softer. Laughs a lot. She even praised me for doing the Austin-Tryptophan deal. Imagine that. She goes on heists a lot, mostly with Zane. Still leads by example and all. Still pretty damned moralistic, but definitely more relaxed. Sometimes she smiles when no one else is looking. I think she's happy enough. _

"What does that mean?"

_You tell me. What about you? Are you happy?_

"I'm doing well. Getting by. You know me. Haven't met anyone not worth charming a few dollars off of."

_Still scamming, huh?_

"I prefer to call it enterprising."

_(Chuckles) You should come home. I miss you. She misses you. She doesn't say it, but I know she does._

"I can't. You don't know that."

_Are you going to be there for a while?_

"Maybe. Couple weeks at most."

"Alec?" said a soft voice behind him.

Alec spun around and smiled at Katya and her son, Alex. He had been named after him, for saving his life that night.

"I've got to go. I'll check in again next time."

Katya saw Alec hang up quickly on his phone. She knew he was calling in to check in on _her_. She felt a slight stabbing ache in the vicinity of her heart. "Are you coming in? It's getting late."

Alec shook his head. "I'm going out for a while." He walked over to little Alex, almost four years old and showing his X-genes with his above average speech and motor abilities. He ruffled the little boy's blond hair. "Bed time for you, little guy."

"G'night, Uncle Alec," said little Alex, suppressing a small yawn.

"Night, buddy."

He hopped onto his bike, and with a final smile at Katya and the kid, he drove away.

Colorado was cold in the winter—but Alec barely felt the bite of the icy wind. He was too deep in thought.

Five years, and Max still hadn't left him. Five years and he still couldn't look at Katya the way she wanted him to. He knew that she loved him. She had repeatedly tried to tell him, but he always cut her off with a joke. She had tried to get him into her bed, but he would just walk out. He stayed with them, mostly because—well, _they_ stuck with him. He hadn't minded. Not really. They kept Max's spirit at bay.

But on nights like this…he couldn't run away far enough from his memories. He chuckled sadly to himself. He should be a little too old by now to be pining away after the memory of a 21-year-old girl. She would be twenty-six now...he wondered what she looked like. Beautiful, no doubt. Gorgeous. Sexy. Sassy. Maxie.

He smiled sadly wondering if he really would ever see her again. He had seriously contemplated going back. Home. Every now and then he checked in on Terminal City. Sometimes he checked in to see if his leads for certain suppliers panned out. Sometimes he checked in to see if there was any trouble brewing. But he always checked up on how Max was.

She seemed happier. What more could he ask for? He was afraid that going home would be a mistake—that he would just threaten her peace. He had contemplated sending Katya and Alex to Terminal City. Their lives would be better if they didn't follow him around in his endless quest to run away from Max. Especially now that little Alex was ready to, well, be a kid. Maybe he should go home and bring Katya and Alex to TC. It's not like he couldn't just leave again, right?

_And who the hell is brother Zane anyway?_ Max was supposedly close to him—like she was close to brother Zack? Or much _closer_? Damn, he should've asked. No…he didn't think he could take the answer. It was stupid to think that she wouldn't have moved on by now. He had been surprised some years back when she never hooked up with Logan. _They're just friends now,_ was all he ever heard about it. He had clung to that selfishly. But now he had brother Zane to worry about.

_What the hell, Alec? You left her to move on with her life…now you don't want her to?_

He hadn't noticed that he had accelerated more and more in his agitation until he saw flashing red lights. Damn Colorado Section cops…they weren't as vigilant as the Seattle Sector cops, but they sure had high traffic fines. He noticed that it was a female cop and he smirked. _Easy._

"Officer," he drawled, using his most charming smile. "What can I do for you?"

She blinked, slightly dazed. _Yeah, this was gonna be easy._

He wished that Max had been that easy. If she had just melted that way the first time he'd smiled at her, then none of this would have come to pass. But then again, Max had always been an elusive catch…she wouldn't be Max if things were easy. _That's my girl. _Even after five years…


	14. Chapter 14: Worth It All

**DISCLAIMER: I've said it once (actually several times), but I'll say it again: Dark Angel isn't mine.**

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who continue to stick with the story. Here's the Jade-Max moment that had been pushed back a little. I figure, since so many of you suggested it,I ought to listen to you guys. I dunno if it's what y'all wanted it to be, though. Hehehe…oh well. PLUS, Alec doesn't go home...but instead...read and find out.**

**Chapter 14:**

"_**You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time." **_

–Abraham Lincoln-

Jade sat across from Max finishing up one of their monthly meetings. Max was a very involved leader, making use of all intellectual properties Manticore ever designed her with to their fullest abilities. She knew all the financial numbers by heart from every department. She read every report that went on her desk. And she kept each of her fellow leaders accountable for their work. At the same time, everyone else kept Max accountable.

"Update on the Trypto deal?"

"It's going well. We're going to have a constant supply from now on, straight from the manufacturer, no middle-man expenses." replied Jade. "Unless, of course, we reconsider my 5 cut of the deal?" she joked.

Max looked impassively a Jade, refusing to be amused. She looked at the blond speculatively. "How did you hear about this little pharmaceutical company all the way in Austin, Texas, anyway?"

Jade kept her face coolly composed before replying, "I have my sources."

Max looked like she wanted to pursue this line of conversation for a second, but stopped. She tilted her head in acceptance of Jade's answer before launching into the next topic. "What about rebuilding the Western outbuilding of TC? I saw the numbers the contractors had drawn up. It doesn't cost that much to retructure a building that's already standing and whose basic foundation still exists. Get to the bottom of that."

Jade almost flinched. Max had never been friendly with her. "Got it, Boss," she said lightly.

Max almost regretted the harsh tone she used with Jade. She made herself smile blandly at theother woman. "Is there anything else?"

This was the opening Jade had been waiting for. She almost backed down, but she knew it was high-time something was done. She cleared her throat nervously. Max may not be as bitchy as she used to be, but she could still flay people alive with her words. "I heard that Zane saw Alec…"

The clenching of Max's jaw was almost imperceptible. If Jade hadn't beenlooking fora reaction from Max, she could have sworn that she hadn't heard her. There was a heartbeat of silence before Max looked levelly at her. In a low voice—terrifying because of the control behind it—Max enunciated, "Is there anything else of _relevance_?"

Jade felt anger seep into her blood, pouring out of her heart. She couldn't believe that Alec still loved this bitch. She stood up, not even bothering to hide her antagonism. "Figures," she muttered, turning away to leave.

"What did you say?" Max called out, her voice sharp.

Jade glanced at Max, her eyes disdainful. "I meant that it figures that Alec wouldn't be relevant to you. Five years, Max! _Five years_ and you haven't once mentioned Alec in any of our meetings! It figures that he never came up to scratch for your High Holiness!"

"What did you want me to say? Something _insightful?_" snapped Max. "Are you going to psychoanalyze what I feel about him? Fine. It hurt like the bitch when he left. Happy now?"

Jade turned fully to face Max. "No."

Max gritted her teeth, fighting her temper. "There's nothing more to say about Alec between us Jade," dismissed Max, her eyes cold and unyielding, her face taut. "He's gone. I'm over it."

"Do you really believe that?" Jade asked incredulously.

Max laid both her palms on the desk and leaned forward, as if her stance would help her make her point. "You said yourself, it's been five years. I'd just be wasting my time talking about him when we have better things to do."

"I love him, you know," said Jade softly.

Max drew in her breath in a hiss, Jade's remark hitting a little close to her heart. _A little close? It was a bull's eye._

Jade saw Max's reaction and hastily added, "Like a brother. The same way you love Zane." She saw as Max looked at her with narrowed, suspicious eyes. "Max, Alec was the closest thing to family I had. He was the annoying big brother of my dreams. When he left, it hurt, too."

Max shook her head as if she didn't want to hear any more. "Jade, why are you telling me this now?"

"I'm just saying that I don't believe you when you say that it's over—that you're over him."

Max's eyes flashed fire. "I'm not that pathetic."

"I didn't say it was pathetic. You can't fool me, Max. Maybe the others think that you've moved on, maybe with Zane, who knows? But I know the truth. I know because that's how I would feel if Quinn ever left me. My world would never be the same."

"You don't know how it feels. You don't know how the _fuck_ I feel." Max said vehemently.

"Fine. I just want you to answer me this honestly: _Do_ you still love him?"

Jade saw naked pain flash in Max's eyes before she cloaked them with icy disdain. "What does it matter now?"

Jade didn't know if what she was about to say would be a mistake. But saying nothing for five years was a mistake in itself. "It matters…because I know where he is."

Max stood frozen for a full minute as a series of emotions washed over her. She squeezed one word out: "How?"

"I've always known. He would call every now and then. He made me promise not to tell you. All those fancy new deals that I have from all over the country? They were all Alec. He hasn't forgotten about us, Max. He's a good man, if you only just give him a chance."

Max closed her eyes at this information. Jade had known all along. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry, whether to hug the other woman or punch her senseless. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because you never told Alec how you feel. He doesn't know that you love him. I didn't know for sure…you put him away inside of you…where no one could see. Like I said, five years, Max, and you pretended for the whole world to see that Alec was irrelevant." explained Jade, her voice soft and sad.

"Zane saw him in Texas. I sent word to an EO contact there, but he was gone…I was too late…again. Where is he?"

"Do you love him? It's only worth his kicking my ass if you do."

"Don't you see, I couldn't let Terminal City see its leader falling apart because of one man," Max whispered achingly.

Jade nodded in understanding. "But you're only one woman, Max," she pointed out. "No one ever expected you to be infallible."

Max looked Jade in the eyes, realizing that one of the reasons she was always such a bitch to the other woman was her resemblance to Alec, both in looks and in personality. She swallowed over the lump in her throat. "The answer is yes. I do love him. I always have these past five years. I just never told him."

Jade smiled slightly. "He's in Colorado. And don't ever say Manticore training was good for nothing. I was on the phone with him for enough time to trace the call. He's in a town called Sterling, northeast of Denver. Highway 76. Find him. _Tell_ him."

Max faltered, remembering Zane's words. She had to ask. "Jade, has...has Alec moved on?"

Jade didn't answer immediately. She knew that a part of Alec would always love Max, but she didn't know whether he really had moved on. "Does it matter if he has?"

"It's just...I don't think I could bring myself to..." Max broke off. She couldn't explain how much it would hurt to see for sure that Alec had moved on. It was safer not to have proof, not to have to see with her own eyes.

"It's all up to you, Max. I've given you everything that you need." Jade sighed. "If you tell him and he's already with someone else...at least you've told him the truth. If he isn't, then..." she smiled, leaving the rest for Max to fill in. "What have you got to lose? If you won't try...then you'll never know."

Max stared at Jade, reluctant admiration in her eyes. Jade was right. If she didn't even try to fight for Alec, then she would never know. She had to at least try. She was already five years late, as it is.

"It's worth it, Max. Love. It's worth all the mistakes you can make..." Jade whispered, meaning every word. She was happy with Quinn, and they had only begun to make things work. It had to start with one of them having to be vulnerable--but it had all been worth it.

"Jade—"

Jade shrugged. "You don't have to say anything. I know," she smirked. "I'm just cool like that." Then she turned around and left Max in her office to ponder on the information. Iftelling Maxwas a mistake, it was one worth making.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"**_Love is everything it's cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for."_ **

–Erica Jong-

"Max, are _sure _you wanna do this?" Zane whispered uncomfortably in her ear. He was sitting behind her, his arms wrapped around her narrow waist as they sped headlong towards Sterling, Colorado.

"Yeah, it's high-time I did something about my personal issues, Zane," she called back.

"Yeah, well, it's cold. We could've at least taken a car," he whined.

Max smiled inwardly. Zane had insisted that he come with her. He had almost reminded her of Zack when he practically ordered her to take him with her. "You know, big brother, I could just leave you on the side of the road and you can find yourself a car and come after me later."

Zane chuckled. "No way am I missing all the fun of this sordid little reunion."

Max elbowed him, smiling in amusement at his sharp intake of breath. "There's nothing _sordid_ about seeing Alec." She shifted gears to avoid slipping over an icy patch on the road. "Uncomfortable? Definitely. Awkward? No doubt. Fucked up? Hell yeah. But not sordid."

Zane didn't want to see his sister hurt, but he knew she was going to be. Especially if this Alec-guy had already moved on with a family of his own. He could just imagine his baby sister fighting to be brave. His fists itched to meet with a certain someone's jaw at that moment. "Max, are you sure this is worth it all?"

There was silence for a while, before he heard Max's soft voice carry over the wind. "Yeah. It is. It's worth everything."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Max, you can't be serious. We're not staying here tonight."

"It's the only place for miles."

"_The Kum N' Go_? You've _got _to be kidding me!" he whined, staring at the flickering sign of the dingy little roadside motel.

Max shrugged. "We _came_, and we're _going_ in a while." She made her way to the office, but Zane blocked her way. "Max, I'll _pay_ you to go somewhere else. This is just not right. It's unsanitary is what it is."

She just glared at him.

"Look, Baby Sis, I understand that you can't go to the love of your life looking like _that_ and all," he started. But she gave him a look that could kill. He cleared his throat. "I mean, you still look pretty. Just a little…disheveled. Very cute…'cept for the bags around the eyes…but,"

"Shut-up. Everything that comes out of your mouth just gets worse and worse." she groaned.

Zane hugged her. "Max, let me drive. I promise, no scratch on your baby. You can backseat drive all you want. I know you're beat. But I still won't stay in a place that's called _Kum N' Go_."

Max finally relented. She was exhausted and she really didn't want to stay in that place either. "Fine. But if I see anything, _anything_, on my baby you are paying with your life."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"What time is it?" mumbled Max, when they finally stopped. She had been sleeping on Zane's shoulder, utterly exhausted.

"Late," he replied. He waited as Max disengaged herself from him and got off the bike. His lips twitched as he saw her. "What?" she demanded.

"Do the words disheveled…but cute, mean anything to you?" he asked innocently.

"You're lucky I'm too tired to raise my fist to your face." she intoned dully. Then she frowned slightly. "Where are we?"

"_The Nut Bush_, the only freaking bar I found in lovely Sterling, Colorado." He announced, waving his hand at the sign above a dingy little building. "I swear post-Pulse people have the strangest sense of humor."

Max placed her hands on her hips. "We're at a _bar_? What are we doing at a _bar_?"

Zane looked at Max and let out an exasperated sigh. "Max, I love you and all, but I need a drink. So, we're at a bar…we can eat something, drink something, relax something…okay? I'm not really interested in running headlong into your lover at the moment."

Max realized that he had a point. She needed a drink too. She wasn't ready to see Alec yet. Definitely not when she was disheveled after days of travel on a motorcycle. "Fine," she snapped and marched towards _The Nut Bush_.

"I'll get us a pitcher of beer," called Zane, making his way to the bar.

Max found a small table, sat on a stool and looked around the place. It reminded her sort of like Crash, complete with pool table, dance floor, deafening noise and drunken young folk.

"Baby, you might want to go and fix yourself up," suggested Zane as he came up, holding a pitcher and two chilled glasses.

She frowned at him. "You're real subtle, you know that?"

He shrugged. "I'm just saying it like it is. 'Sides, seeing as this may be the only hang-out in town, you might run into someone significant, if you know what I mean."

That sent Max scrambling towards the restrooms to fix herself up. Zane chuckled. His baby sister was fun to annoy. She got riled really easily. He let his eyes wander around the place—like all Manticore alums, he cased the place, looking for all Exits, and any other signs of trouble.

Then he saw _him_. Just like all his instincts had told him he would. Damn if certain X's didn't think alike.

Tall, blond, lean, self-assured, and devilishly charming. He was just sauntering out of a back room, pocketing a wad of cash into the back of his jeans. He was making his way towards the pool table, a gleam of mischief in his eyes.

Zane would know that face anywhere. It belonged to his brother, Ben. He narrowed his eyes. Alec was different, though. Ben never laughed and smiled like that. Like he didn't have a care in the world. Alec walked around like he owned the place.

_Damn, if he hadn't hurt Max so bad, I might actually have liked him. _Then he smiled mischievously to himself. He had a plan to unfold.

As soon as Max came out from her primping, he drew her close to him, putting his arm around her. "Max, have I ever told you how much fun I'm having on this trip?"

She looked at him like he had just turned into a frog. Then she chuckled. "Zane, you've done nothing but whine the whole time."

He smiled charmingly at her. "But it did give me a chance to spend some quality time with my baby sister," he pointed out. Max smiled fondly at that. She kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Yeah, I guess that's the one good thing that's come out of this…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alec was leaning over a shot when he felt someone watching him. His skin prickled and there was a slight ringing in his ears. He let his eyes wander, and his heart almost stopped at the sight of familiar long dark hair the color of rich mahogany. The girl turned her head slightly to the side and Alec felt that heartstopping, breathtaking sensation take hold of his entire being.

He straightened and mumbled something about forfeiting his game and pulling out a couple of bills from his wad, he tossed it onto the pool table.

He made his way towards her surreptitiously. His senses strained towards her. That laughter. It was a rare sound, but unmistakable. His heart constricted, his breathing turned shallow. _It can't be…but it was… Max._

"Zane, you've done nothing but whine the whole time."

At her words, his eyes snapped to the man sitting very close to her, his arm around her. He saw her lean over and kiss him on the cheek. His gut tightened. _And Brother Zane. Of course._

He felt sheer anguish wash over him. There was jealousy, of course, and anger, and stabbing pain, but most of all, just adeep sense of loss, like his heart was no longer in his chest. "Max…" he whispered.

Suddenly, he saw her stiffen, as if hearing him. Cautiously, shelooked over her shoulder, her eyes finding his unerringly. He saw herfull lips fall open in a small _O_ of shocked recognition. Over the pulsing music and human noise, he heard her sigh his name, "Alec,"


	15. Chapter 15: No One Else

**DISCLAIMER: Dark Angel is Cameron/Eglee's creation. I just stole it for my own amusement. Don't sue. No scrill being made off of this.**

**A/N: I still have some stuff up my sleeve, but I've got to give in to pressure. Here it is, I succumb to your guys' wisdom.**

**CHAPTER 15:**

"_**To grow up is to accept vulnerability…to be alive is to be vulnerable."**_

-Madeleine L'Engle-

"Alec," she sighed almost involuntarily. He was standing across the dance floor, his gaze straightforward and sad. She felt momentarily paralyzed, unprepared for this moment. Her mind went blank as she realized that Alec was coming her way. Her throat constricted, no words could get past her lips. Her first instinct was to run. Run away because she wasn't ready to face Alec.

"Oh, this is gonna be fun," drawled Zane, his arm still casually around her.

Max had a sinking feeling that she had been 'Punk'd' by her brother. She tore her gaze away from Alec. "You bastard! You knew he was going to be here, didn't you?" she whispered vehemently, hoping her tone was low enough that Alec's transgenic ears couldn't pick them up.

Zane shrugged. "Thought I might hurry the process…" He didn't get to finish his statement. Max grabbed his ear and twisted, pulling him up with her. "Out!" she snapped, pushing him ahead of her. They headed for the backdoor, Max still holding on to Zane's ear, his body twisted at an odd angle to accommodate the fact that he was eight inches taller than her.

"OW! Max! Wait, you're leaving?" he asked incredulously through the pain in his ear. Due to their heightened senses, they had very sensitive nerve endings. Max was inflicting quite a bit of pain. Then again, maybe he did deserve this with his underhanded tactics and all. "I was just trying to help!" he whined.

As soon as they were out the door and into the secluded back section of the bar, she kicked him hard in the midsection. He went sprawling inelegantly on the ground. "What the hell were you thinking!" she yelled.

Zane didn't bother getting up, knowing that he'd only be knocked back down. He leaned up on his hands, looking patiently at Max, the way an adult might look at a child in a temper tantrum. "I had a hunch he was going to be here tonight. What were you planning on doing? Knocking on every single door in town looking for some guy named Alec? Jade only told us what shithole he was in, not which door to knock on," he grumbled. "The way I see it, you ought to be thanking me."

Zane had a point. Max sighed. He always had a point. But that didn't mean he could go on with his schemes without at least getting them past her. She walked over to him and offered him her hand. He looked skeptically at it, but decided to accept.

Big mistake.

As soon as he was up, Max just kicked him back down. "You could've told me first!"

Zane landed on his ass again. "Baby, this is getting old real fast. He's here, you're here, get over it."

"I see you haven't changed a bit, Max," said an amused voice from behind her. Max spun around and found herself no more than five feet away from Alec. Her breath caught, her senses tingled…and suddenly, she felt _alive_.

Alec had to force himself to appear nonchalant, especially after he heard Zane call Max 'Baby'. He told himself that he had no right to be feeling jealous. He was the one who left. He was amused, however, to see the taller man on the ground before Max. It was cold comfort to find that some things never change: that his Max was still a spitfire. _His Max?_ He paused slightly at that thought, before pushing it away. _No, buddy, never yours._

"Alec…" she said, her voice strangely breathless.

"Max," he said, his voice even, controlled.

"And I'm Zane," called Zane, smiling cheerfully from the ground. Max glared at him, and Alec just looked sadly amused.

Zane realized at that moment that this man wouldn't hurt his baby sister intentionally. In fact, he had a funny feeling that _he_ was hurting Alec. And Max. He stood up, and dusted himself. He looked from one to the other and shrugged expansively. His job here was over. "I'll be inside if you need me," he mumbled. Then he walked back inside the bar.

Max and Alec stared at each other. They took in the changes five years had wrought in them.

Max took a tentative step forward. This was the moment of truth. She would tell him. Her heart constricted. She was afraid of being so vulnerable, but she could do this, because it was the only way to really love someone.

It was dark, but they were standing next to the light hanging by the back door. Her enhanced vision took in all of him. He wasn't the boy she had fallen in love with. He was a man now—and she realized suddenly, that she might not know him anymore.

He had cut his hair. Before he left Terminal City, he had let his hair grow out often, too busy to bother with regular haircuts, and she remembered that when it was longer, his hair would curl. Now, his hair was cropped short in the sides and back, longish at top and slightly spiked. His face was leaner, accentuating the handsome planes. He had a slight growth of beard on the hollow of his cheeks and over his chiseled chin. She remembered that he had a slight cleft there. The faint laugh lines around his eyes and mouth had now deepened. His body was somehow bigger, broader, and stronger, as if at twenty-three, he hadn't been finished growing up, filling out into the man that he was now at twenty-eight.

There was a new edge to him, too. In the way he carried himself. There was still the cocky swagger—but that was as natural to him as breathing. It was in his presence. He seemed harder, less innocent, more cautious—just more grown up. She hoped he had hadn't changed too much, that he still laughed easily and made asinine jokes about everything, that he still liked to scam and charm everyone in his path.

"You've changed. You look…good."

He smiled slightly. "You, too. You look real good, Max."

And it was true. She had always been beautiful. But now, she was…arresting. Like one look at her could stop a man's heart. Damn near stopped his. Her hair was long, falling to just above her waist. Her face had lost the charm of youth, accentuating the striking features she always had. The large brown eyes still looked slightly sad, but also more world-weary. He wondered who put those shadows in her eyes. Her full lips were pursed, tensed, but he noticed the slight laugh lines around them. He wondered if she still used cherry lip balm—remembering their taste on his lips. Her body was still the arousing mix of being lithe and voluptuous at once. Max, really hadn't changed much in five years—just grew more beautiful, like he knew she would.

But he felt the changes in her more than he saw them. She felt…older—tempered by time. He wondered if her spirit and passion had remained intact. He almost smiled before he coldly remembered Zane. She had grabbed him by the ear and was practically spitting fire. It might be safe to say she was still spirited and passionate. Just not about him anymore.

"What the hell are you doing here, Max?" he asked, his voice colder than he intended, the recent memory making his tone harsher.

The callousness in his voice hit her like a bucket of cold water. She bristled in anger. She had come all the way over here, the least he could do was listen. She strode over to him and before both of them even knew what was happening, she slapped him.

Hard.

His head fell sideways, his cheek stinging, his left eye watering. He kept his head to the side and exhaled, letting the pain wash over him. Had he deserved that? Maybe.

"That's for leaving Terminal City," she said quietly. She grabbed his jacket and pulled him towards her. "And this is for leaving me," she whispered before pressing her lips onto his in a savage kiss.

Alec responded, his body bursting into flame. He wrapped his arms around her, hauling her up against his starved body, his arms like vice grips. He kissed her back, his mouth crushing hers against her teeth.

It was an angry kiss. Both transgenics poured their anger, possessiveness, jealousies, and passion into it.

She responded against the punishing pressure by biting hard on his lower lip until she drew blood. He refused to let go, pulling her hair ruthlessly instead until she almost gasped, using that momentary lapse for his tongue to seek entry into her mouth. He plundered and punished, slamming both of them against the dirty bar wall. She dug her nails into his shoulders, pressing on sensitive nerves. He encircled her slender neck with his hand, holding her immobile, never once letting go.

Suddenly, he tasted salty wetness in the kiss, and realized that Max was crying.

He released her, flying a few steps away from her. She sagged against the wall, tears still falling from her eyes.

Without releasing his gaze from hers, he wiped the blood from his lip with the back of his hand.

"I hate you," she whispered brokenly without thinking what had come out of her mouth. She was feeling so raw and vulnerable—a feeling she hated.

Alec held his breath, afraid that if he let it go, he would be bombarded by the pain that came with Max's words. He hated himself, too. Five years…_five years_ and he still couldn't control himself around Max.

"I hate how you make me feel…" she continued. "I hated you for five years for leaving…"

Alec had no words. Her words pummeled him, leaving him feeling…defeated. Fallen. Broken.

"I hated how you made me love you…and you just left. I hate how I was too late."

Alec froze. He didn't dare move or make a sound, wondering if he misheard her. Not daring to hope or say anything.

"I loved you, and you left…you just left." She cried, her deep brown eyes searching his golden green ones. She couldn't read them, they were strangely guarded, like he didn't really understand—or want to understand—what she was saying.

Her heart broke. It really was too late. Her love meant nothing to him anymore. "But now, it's too late, huh?" she sighed. Then she straightened as if regaining her composure. But she didn't hide behind a Manticore mask. No, she let Alec see what was inside of her. "I came here looking for you…I just wanted you to know, I love you, Alec. And I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry that I was too late. I'm too late again." she babbled incoherently, her pain clouding her judgment.

She turned to leave, not sure how much longer she could bear to be around him in her vulnerable state. She felt like an open wound that had had vinegar and salt poured over her. _God, it hurt!_

"Max, wait," he called out, his voice ringing with urgency.

She turned her head, trying, but failing to blank her face.

"What do you mean it's too late?" he asked. He refused to believe it was too late. He would _fight_ Zane to the death if he had to. A man didn't hear the three words he'd been waiting for and just let it go, damn it!

Max felt battered. He was going to make her say it. She looked him in the eye, not bothering to hide the pain and anguish she felt. "Zane…saw you in Texas…with someone else…and a kid." She said brokenly. "I'm happy for you, really I am…and I'm sorry if I've messed things up by coming…I just wanted you to know." She continued hastily.

Alec felt dizzy from relief. He knew exactly who she was talking about, understanding the misinformation. He felt a tiny bubble of hope burst inside of him. But he had one more question to ask her. He walked over to her, standing so close he could feel the heat radiating from her.

"What about you, Max? Is it too late for me?" he asked, his head nodding towards the bar, indicating Zane's presence in there.

"What? No! There's no one else…" she whispered.

Alec's relief almost floored him. _No one else… _ He couldn't help but smile. She looked at him strangely, and he reached over and cupped her beautiful face in his hands. "Maxie, why would I go out and find another mate when I already had one?" he asked.

"You mean…?" she faltered, her heart beating so rapidly it was a wonder it didn't jump out of her chest.

"When we were together that night, Max, I mated for life. You were the only one I ever wanted. And while I haven't exactly been a saint…no one could compare. Call it a chemical imbalance, but I could never respond to anyone else the way I do to you."

Max let his words sink in. She was trembling. She smiled ruefully. "I should've hunted your ass down sooner. We wasted so much time, huh?" she whispered, before raising her lips to his.

"I can think of a few ways to make up for that," he said mischievously before claiming her lips in a soft kiss.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N: It's not over yet. M-rated next chapter. And then more issue-sorting…but I promise, no more Max and Alec not together moments. It's just too hard to keep them apart, isn't it?**


	16. Chapter 16: Special

**Disclaimer: Nope, I checked, and Dark Angel still isn't mine.**

**A/N: I would really appreciate feedback/reviews about this chapter because I feel like I tried to put too much in it and probably botched things up a bit. If anyone could give me some pointers, I'd be happy to edit. Thanks! **

**P.S. Warning: The second part of this chapter is M-rated. **

**Chapter 16:**

"**_Things do not change, we change."_ **

–Henry David Thoreau-

They arrived at Alec's hotel room in complete silence, both of them deep in thought.

"Well, here we are; home sweet home…at least for the last month." He said, walking in, his arms spread out as if giving a grand tour.

Max smiled tightly, and looked around. It was clean and Spartan. It was a relief. It was something that she had always known about Alec: he liked things to be clean and organized. She looked up at him, and this time her smile widened.

He was standing there, his hands shoved deep into his front pockets, his shoulders raised slightly as if he was tense.

Some things never change. Her relief allowed her to loosen up a little bit. She grabbed a towel and smiled at him. "Unlike you, Pretty Boy, I've been on the road for almost a week. I'm gonna take a shower," she called out just before she shut the door.

Max was here. That thought plastered a wide smile on his face. He stood there listening to the water run. It seemed almost intimate, knowing she was in there taking a shower.

"Alec," he turned around and saw Katya hovering by his door which he had left slightly ajar. She and little Alex were staying in the room across the hall. Zane had gotten a room on the other wing of the hotel saying something about how he didn't want to be _disturbed_ in his sleep. Alec had caught the exaggerated wink he had sent Max's way. He had decided then and there that he liked Zane a lot.

"Hey," he said. "Alex asleep?"

She shook her head, "No, he's running around in the room with his imaginary friends."

That made Alec chuckle. "I never had imaginary friends," he said. "Is that normal?" he asked.

Katya smiled fondly at Alec. "I wouldn't exactly compare his childhood with ours and call it normal. But yeah, I've heard it's normal."

Alec nodded. "Good. Just checking," he said mischievously.

Katya was about to say something more when she realized that someone else was actually in the bathroom. "Who's here?" she asked cautiously, her eyes darting to the bathroom door. She knew that Alec wasn't in the habit of taking women back to his room. Then she saw a smile on Alec's face that she had never seen before. It was a simple, _happy_ smile that made him look almost boyish. And then she knew who it was even before he answered, "Max."

"Oh," she said, trying to hide her disappointment. "I'm just gonna go…"

But before she could leave, the bathroom door opened, sending clouds of steam into the room. "I almost feel back to normal," sighed Max, walking out, a towel wrapped around her slender body.

Katya stared at Max, not able to really conceal her jealousy. But out of old habit, and because X5's were their superior officers, Katya found herself standing straighter. Max was more beautiful than what she remembered seeing from TV so long ago. She was a startling mix of exotic beauty and girl-next-door.

Max caught sight of the girl at the doorway and stopped in her tracks. The girl was beautiful in a tall, blond, blue-eyed Nordic way. Insecurity and jealousy made her cling to her towel just a little bit more. Her gaze swung to Alec, whose eyes were glued to her. She raised her eyebrows, but it was a relief to realize that he only had eyes for her and had completely forgotten about Katya being in the room.

"Uh, Katya, this is Max." he said with a slight shake of his head, gesturing towards Max. Then, with a wry smile, "Max, this is Katya, the girl Zane saw in Texas."

Immediately, Max's face cleared and she smiled at the other woman. Katya on the other hand smiled stiffly. "Alec's told me a lot about you," she said, barely civil. "You don't deserve him." she said acidly, before turning on her heel and slamming the door behind her.

Max stared at the door in shock. Then she looked at Alec who looked disturbed. "What the hell was that about?" she demanded.

Alec shrugged. "I think that the sight of you in a slip of a towel affected her just as much as it's affecting me," he replied lightly, not really wanting to go into the issue.

"Right." She said. She looked like she wanted to say more, but held her tongue. They stood there staring awkwardly at each other, both feeling the gaping hole in their lives that five years of absence had left them with.

"What is it, Max? Just say it." he asked, cautiously, shoving his hands back into his pockets and biting his lower lip. Ever since they had 'made-up' so to speak, she had been really quiet. In all honesty, it completely freaked him out. She was being so uncharacteristic. Usually, Max didn't let things that bothered her go without a fight. But she seemed to be more in control of herself.

He felt a twinge of sadness in his heart. There had been a time when he could 'read' Max like an open book and understand—almost anticipate—her mood swings without missing a beat.

Now, he felt like he was flailing in the middle of the ocean without a lifesaver. He was lost and he was afraid he didn't understand Max anymore.

"I was just thinking," she said softly.

Five years ago, Alec would have raised an eyebrow and smirked, tossing a comment about how she shouldn't be thinking naughty thoughts about him. But now, he wasn't sure what the appropriate response was. Things were just…distant. But what did he expect? Five years would do that to most people.

"What about?" he prodded.

"About how awkward things feel—but how I'm so relieved that some things haven't changed." She replied honestly.

Alec was a little surprised at Max's honesty. She used to sidestep issues like she was the queen of dodgeball. "Like what?"

"You. The way you're standing right now," she said softly, walking slowly towards him. "You put your hands in your pockets like that when you're feeling uncertain. And how you answered me with an off-hand joke to avoid talking about her."

He realized she was right. He chuckled, some of the tension leaving his body. She was standing an arm's length away from him now. He touched her face lightly. "But you've changed," he whispered.

She raised big brown eyes at him. "Is that a bad thing?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. He didn't know what all the changes meant.

She turned her face so she kissed his palm. "I understand," she said softly, her lips moving against his hand. "Things aren't the same anymore…I might not be the same anymore."

He pulled her against him and hugged her. He reveled in the way she fit perfectly against him. She had always been perfect for him. "Just tell me, do you still feel the need to kick my ass if I ever get out of line?"

She hit him lightly on the shoulder. "I think that's a perk in our relationship that I'll always enjoy," she chuckled. "Why? Is that something you're looking forward to?" she countered evenly, a spark of amusement in her eyes.

He kissed her forehead, letting his lips caress her skin. "Maxie, I can think of other perks you just might enjoy, and loads of other things I've been looking forward to…I can show you if you want…" he teased, glancing down at the flimsy towel she was holding on to.

Max pulled away slightly and Alec felt disappointed. But he would give her as much space and time she needed. Hell, _she'd_ come to _him_, and that didn't just happen—not even in his wildest dreams.

"Alec, do you think we could just start over?"

He raised his eyebrow at her this time. He couldn't help but think back to the first time he met Max.

A smirk worked its way onto his handsome face. "Max, I don't know if you'd be able to control yourself if I took my shirt off and ordered you to copulate with me," he quipped. "The idea always did have merit, you know."

"You're right, Pretty Boy, I might not be able to control myself from kicking your ass." She smirked, replaying the same memory.

He laughed, knowing that they were thinking about the same thing. Then a thought occurred to him. "Max, do you realize how many times we've started over?"

She tilted her head in curiosity. He was glad to notice that she still did that. She would tilt her head when she wanted to really listen to someone. If she didn't do that, then he always knew for sure that she wasn't listening. Right now her head was angled slightly to the right, her eyes keen.

"Our first beginning was being Breeding Partners. Even I'd have to admit that wasn't the smashing success Manticore had expected." He chuckled and Max smiled wryly. "Then, I'd count our next beginning as that time _I _saved _your_ ass from White along with a bunch of X6's…"

She opened her mouth as if to counter him. But he covered her mouth with his hand and shook his head. "Uh-uh, Maxie, _my_ story."

"Fine," she whispered, her voice muffled by his hand.

"Then of course, there's the time I tried to kill you," he said conversationally, as if that were the most natural thing in the world. She glared at him heatedly at the memory, his hand still over her mouth. "By the way, did you know that that was when I fell in love with you?" he asked softly.

He eyes grew wide as saucers, surprised at his admission, and he couldn't stifle the desire to kiss her. So he did.

"I realized what a…_character_…you were at that moment. Someone who was intelligent and compassionate…who also happened to be hot as hell," he whispered as he trailed kisses on her jaw. "That moment, Maxie, was a real beginning for me," he admitted. "Of course, I didn't know I was in love with…just that you annoyed the hell outta me."

"Alec," she said, her voice breathless from his kisses. But she did manage to swat him on the chest when he called her annoying.

"You always did taste good, Maxie," he whispered. But he forced himself to pull away. He had to make her understand how he felt. "Then, I felt a new beginning for us when we raised the flag over Terminal City. I felt like I finally had a place where I belonged…people that I belonged with. I finally knew what family meant."

Max leaned her head against his hard chest, feeling a deep remorse. She knew it had been her fault that he had left, that she had somehow driven him away from his home. "Alec, I'm so sorry," she said softly.

Strangely, he knew what she was saying sorry about. He could feel the indescribable bond between them rebuilding itself. "Max, I left. It was my choice."

She raised her strained face to him. "When was our next beginning?"

Alec started to laugh, his shoulders shaking from the mirth. "I think that would be when I found the cure and didn't want to give it to you. And for the life of me, I couldn't understand why."

She punched him on the chest. "Don't worry, Sherlock, I was just as lost as you were."

"Max, I was afraid you wouldn't need me around anymore when you finally had Logan," he admitted honestly. His green eyes searched her brown ones.

Max looked up at this man who owned her heart and realized with a start that she still knew him—the essence of who Alec was. There was something innate within her that responded to him whether it was in anger, passion, love, or friendship. Five years suddenly seemed to melt away from her eyes and he was the same boy who had loved her. Things hadn't really changed, but _she_ had. She was a woman now, not quite as afraid of the commitment, sacrifice and courage that it took to love someone deeply.

There would be no more hiding behind masks for her.

"I was afraid that with the cure, I wouldn't have any reasons to have you in my life. I couldn't let you go," she replied wryly, the irony of their conversation hitting her.

"Well, now we know better, and it _only_ took us five years," he said with his trademark sarcasm. "But I distinctly remember what happened _after_ I gave you the cure."

Max played innocent. "Really? Care to elaborate on that one?"

"Hmm…" he said, kissing her neck. "I prefer to demonstrate…I have an excellent procedural memory." Then he took her lips and kissed her deeply.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N: This section is M-rated. Please skip over if you're not into this stuff or are ineligible. I'm banking on your guys' honor, here.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"_**Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."**_

_- _Comte DeBussy-Rabutin-

Max leaned into his kiss, still soft and gentle, her hands laying lightly on his chest. He coaxed her to open her mouth and let him in, and she did. His hands were still cupping her face, their bodies not touching. It was as if Alec was savoring the simple act of just kissing her.

As the kiss went on, it was as if the years of separation dissolved into the passion they had always felt for each other.

There was something inside her that was growing—like the build-up of an ember into a raging inferno.

Alec focused on kissing Max. He didn't want to push anything; he would let her set the pace. He had waited forever for her, and if there was one thing five years away had taught him, it was patience. But he was burning, his skin feeling so hot, his blood boiling. But he would just kiss her until she was ready for more. His hand cupped the back of her head, massaging her, his thumbs making lazy circles on her skin—rousing her passion.

Finally, Max took his hand and led it to her waist. She stepped a little closer and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself fully into him.

Alec growled at the simple pleasure of having her press herself against him. He suddenly felt like there were too many layers between them. "I want you. I need to feel all of you," he murmured against her lips. He broke off from their kiss and ripped off the towel she was wearing and took a small step back to look at her.

There was something so erotic, standing completely naked and bare in front of him, while he was still completely dressed. She was vulnerable and scared—but never more excited in her life. She saw Alec's eyes darken with passion, and her own excitement increased, her whole body flushing.

Alec was having difficulty just breathing. _God, she's so beautiful—and she's all mine._ A wicked smile made its way on his lips as he reached for her, almost ruthlessly, yanking her head so he could kiss her.

Suddenly, she was frantic to take his shirt off, and he couldn't agree more. He pulled away from her just long enough to take his clothes off.

He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her up against him, his arousal hot and thick between them. He kissed her, his hands finding her breasts and cupping them, at the same time pushing her along until the back of her legs hit the bed.

They tumbled down together. Alec leaned over Max, reveling in the fact that she was here and this moment was really happening. "Max?" he whispered, needing confirmation.

"I'm here, Alec," she assured, instinctively understanding. Then she pressed her hands against his back, beckoning him, bringing him closer. She closed her eyes and arched her back, needing to be closer to him.

But somehow he was resisting. She opened her eyes and saw that smirk. "I've got all the time in the world, Maxie…just lay back…relax," he said, his eyes dancing. Then suddenly, he slid down, his hands running all the way down her body. "_Trust me_," he said, his eyes challenging her.

Max could only nod. Yes, she did trust him.

He kissed her from her foot, then up her legs, tickling the back of her knees. His tongue ran gently over her inner thighs, tickling and arousing. Then he went to her stomach, tracing lazy circles in her belly button. All the while, his hands kneaded and massaged, caressed and stroked every part of her.

She felt cherished. Adored. _Exquisite_.

Loved.

Then he was over her, and Max could only stare at his hazel green eyes, completely humbled. "Alec," she moaned, as he continued his circuit of her body.

Alec kissed every inch of her, all the while murmuring her name. He didn't know why but it felt like her name was the most important thing in the world—affirming her presence. He had to know that this wasn't a dream. "Max, Max, Max…" he murmured.

He licked the valley between her breasts, tasting her. Then he suckled a nipple. Max's reaction was instantaneous, her back arched, her fingers grabbed frantically at his sheets. His fingers traced a trail down her stomach, slipping between her legs. Alec had to stop himself from trembling as he felt her wetness. She was so ready.

He stroked her to feverish heights, his lips raining kisses everywhere, her body convulsing with need. "Now, Alec," she pleaded, her eyes glazed in passion.

He couldn't deny her. He couldn't deny himself anymore. He leaned over her, his arms bracing his weight as he positioned himself over her entrance. She lifted her head, kissing his chin, his neck, licking the salty sweat on his shoulder.

Then he inched into her with deliberate slowness. Her breaths came in short gasps as she felt herself stretch to welcome him. Her hands were around his back, and they started to claw at him as the sensations became almost too much to bear. Still he continued to slowly push into her until he was completely embedded.

She heard him gasp. "Oh God, Max," he groaned, leaning his forehead against hers. "…so good, I can't…I have to…"

She answered him by raising her hips and starting the rhythm. She couldn't wait either. He began to move within her. She gasped his name as he mated with her. Soon, she could no longer say anything coherent as their actions grew more desperate and frenzied.

Her body exploded in sensations, and she cried out, almost a scream, unable to contain the intensity. He called out her name as he climaxed immediately after her, his body shaking with fine tremors as he filled her. He collapsed on top of her, leaning his face against hers. "Max, I love you," he said.

"I love you, Alec," she whispered back, breathing deeply, inhaling his scent and that of their lovemaking.

He rolled over to his side pulling her with him. She was cradled against him, his breathing evening out. She watched as he closed his eyes momentarily. She just stared at him in wonder.

Tonight, she hadn't been normal. She had felt _special_. Maybe it wasn't too much to ask from a guy after all. Not from this one.


	17. Chapter 17: When I'm with You

**Disclaimer:** I told you already, DA isn't mine! Geez…

**A/N: This is a very sappy chapter, so I'm just warning you guys. Than you all, it's been a blast. **

**Chapter 17 **

"_**I love you…not for what you are…but for what I am…when I am with you."**_

–Roy Croft-

Alec woke up languidly, feeling more content than he ever had in years. Ever, actually. And it all had to do with the woman lying next to him, her body tangled in the sheets, tucked comfortably against him.

Max had changed in so many ways. She was softer around the edges. Oh, she was still Max: quick to judge (he remembered Katya last night), quick to react with her hands and feet (he remembered how she'd tossed Zane on his ass outside of the bar), bossy, witty, sarcastic, and passionate. Definitely passionate.

But she was also more vulnerable—allowing him to see what was inside, how she felt. She also may have learned to control her temper—or at least she tried.

He was _almost_ glad that five years had passed. They had both grown up so much.

He had done his share of changing, too. It had taken him a long time to realize that he wasn't just running away from the memory of Max—but from the memory of what he had been. He could still remember, with perfect clarity, that night he had almost killed Logan in a jealous rage.

That hadn't been 494. That had been Alec. And it had scared him. He thought that only Manticore could make him do something like that. But no, it was inside of him—it was who he was.

He had thought that Max would be better off with Logan—someone who wouldn't turn into a raging animal at the slightest provocation. She would be safe. She wouldn't be hurt.

It had killed him to make that decision. But he had done it because he had loved her.

Max began to stir, and her eyes fluttered open. She was immediately greeted by beautiful hazel-green ones.

"Hey, you're awake," she said, smiling slightly.

He grinned at her. "Based on past experience, I took the precaution of waking up first," he said, remembering the last time they had woken up together. "I wanted to make sure you didn't find any pink shirts lying around."

"_Baby_ pink," she corrected him, pushing lightly at his chest. Then after a heartbeat, "Will I find one?"

He rolled over until he was on top of her, imprisoning her with his weight and his gaze. "No."

She smiled widely, obviously pleased. "Good." She said, before leaning up to kiss him. "Good morning, then." She whispered.

"Max, I don't know if you know this, but I can _see_ your emotions on your face," he joked.

She swatted him playfully upside his head. "Yeah, it was a New Year's resolution I made five years ago," she joked back. "Along with the trying to control my temper, stop running away from tough situations, and be nice to Alec. They didn't seem like such bad ideas at that time."

"Be nice to me, huh?" he asked, his eyebrow raised mischievously.

She rolled her eyes at him. "It was easier when you weren't actually there."

He gave her a hurt little boy look, which only earned him a swat upside his head. "Ow, Maxie, so much for your resolutions."

"I never said I was sticking to all of 'em." she countered.

But then she looked at him seriously. "But there was one that I did decide to stick to. I promised myself that I wouldn't hide behind anymore masks with you, Alec. When I got to see you again, I swore that you would see how much I love you."

"I don't know how you can love me," he asked, his voice husky with emotion. "Knowing what I am…what I've done?"

She stroked his face tenderly. "I love you _because_ I know what you are and what you've done."

He opened his mouth to say something, but she placed a finger on his lips. "Shut up and let me finish," she said smiling.

He nodded, his heart beating rapidly.

"I love you as Alec. I love you as X5-494. I love you as everything that you've ever been. I love you as you are now. And God help me, I will love you for everything you'll ever be. Knowing what you've been through…Knowing what Manticore could do to a person. Knowing what they did to you because of Ben. Knowing that you loved Rachel so much you were willing to sacrifice everything…and still be good and strong…How could I _not_ love you?"

"I tried for five years to stop loving you, to count to myself all the reasons why I shouldn't love you…But I couldn't. All the reasons why I should hate you were the reasons why I love you. I think I knew then, that I was completely fucked." She said, chuckling.

Max gazed into his eyes, and what she saw made a lump form in her throat. It made it hard to breathe. She had seen those eyes burn with passion, turn into ice in anger, blaze with fury, dance with laughter, sparkle in amusement, blank with indifference, she'd seen those eyes filled with pain and darken with sadness.

But she had never seen them as they were at the moment.

His eyes gazed at her with an almost tentative joy. Like he was just realizing that it was actually okay to feel happy.

She reached up and ran a hand through his short hair, feeling the soft bristles tickle her palm. "I can only hope that you'll still love me once you know who I am—what I am," she whispered.

He groaned as he hugged her close to him. "Max, I know exactly who and what you are," he said. "You're everything brave and beautiful…and strong…" he paused as if he couldn't find the words to describe exactly what Max meant to him.

Then he smiled that smart-aleck smile. "…and everything that makes me want to be a better man for you…that's why it made me so sorry to realize what a mess I was back then."

Max tried to speak up, but this time it was Alec who growled, "Shut up and let me finish,"

She smiled tenderly at him and nodded.

"When I was about to plunge that knife into you so many years back, I saw a look in your eyes…and it was a look of sheer disappointment, like you had expected something better from me," he chuckled sadly.

"It suddenly made me want to be the better man that you thought I could be. Even if it meant I had to die that night. It would have meant that I actually did something right…something that would have made you remember me," he said, before looking pointedly at her and adding, "In a good way."

"Max, _when I'm with you_, I'm everything that you said I could be. _When I'm with you,_ I'm alive." Alec whispered. Then he glanced heavenward, "God, make me worthy of her. Fast." He demanded.

Max chuckled and swatted him on the arm. Alec just grinned at her. He still couldn't believe all that sap had come out of his mouth, even if all of it had been true…but then again, he'd always suspected he was a romantic at heart.

Then he lowered his head and kissed Max with everything that he felt for her. She responded in kind, and soon, both of them were breathless with desire.

They realized that they just might have a future after all…complete with Max's happily-ever-after magic.

They also decided that five years was a lot of catching up to do…they had better spend the rest of the day in bed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Outside, in the halls, Katya was debating whether she should just leave and disappear from Alec. It was obvious that he finally had what he had always wanted. She swallowed the lump in her throat and knew that she didn't have a place in his life anymore.

She took Alex's hand and turned around to leave.

But she bumped into a solid chest.

"Hey! Watch where you're going, Buck-o!" she cried out, pushing the chest away. If the chest had belonged to an Ordinary, he would've hit the wall across the hall. But apparently, it didn't.

Zane looked down at the blond woman who had tried to shove him away. He noticed the little boy looking curiously up at him.

Suddenly, Zane couldn't breathe.

The little boy was looking at him with eyes that looked eerily familiar. Turquoise eyes. _His_ eyes.

His gaze snapped onto the blond woman who was now looking at him with shocked recognition.

_Oh shit._

**THE END**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/N**: Finally, they're together and they've confessed their love and all that gooey love stuff. Zane and Katya…they've got their own issues that's not part of this story. I just needed to tie the loose ends there.

I remembered this line from a long time ago…I don't know from who or where, but it stuck with me, and I really liked it. So I used it. Thank you to whoever owned the line.

**A/N 2: Thank you for reading and reviewing and sticking through the mess that is Max and Alec. It's been a pleasure!**


End file.
